ambersun

My childhood in cats

2010-07-09T09:04:00.003+10:00

The first cat I remember was a cheeky tabby. I called her Bobby after my grandfather, even though she was a girl. "Oh well," said mum "It can be short for Roberta."

The second cat I remember was a fine looking tortoiseshell called Kate. Kate was Bobby's sister. They fought like cats and...er...well like cats I suppose.

The third cat I remember was an aggressive, smoky coloured cat called, quite originally, Smoky. Smoky often sat on the top of the TV with her tail hanging down over the picture. If anyone tried to move her she was extraordinarily defensive.

The fourth cat, Tymmy, was my very own pet. I had to pay for his cat food out of my pocket money. He was slim and ginger haired and miawoed like a simese. He choked to death in a house fire on Christmas Eve. I was eleven years old. It was devastating.

My fifth cat was Tyger, a stripey tortoiseshell. But I had a Tymmy shaped hole in my heart and could not love Tyger as much as I wanted to. So Tyger ran away.

Now please give a big round of applause to my parents for allowing me the opportunity of living with cats.

2 Poems on the Same Subject

2010-07-02T14:57:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

This week I've written two poems which both start with the same subject each stanza. Please let me know which is the best one. They are both called "Some beliefs on mine." Ok here it goes

Poem 1

An idea is

a car

rushing at speed

towards its destination.

Clouds are

the unwept tears

of Nature.

Dawn is like

Ayers Rock

glowing on angel's wings.

The heart is

a locked drawer

where I keep my secrets.

Frear is

the cramping of

the calf muscles

of style.

Fish live

in a water wonderland

made of rainbows.

Bitterness is

the mould on top

of our past hurts.

Only truth

can unshackle

the rocky burdens

of my prejudices.

Poem 2

An idea is

a dream

where you

never wake up.

Clouds are

the angels

who watch over the bush.

Dawn is a

chameleon

changing colours.

The heart is

a robber

stealing our

pure intentions

Fear is

the knifing

of the soul.

Fish live

in castles

made of pretty things.

Bitterness is

the newest challenge

to overcome.

Only truth

will set you free

from the bars

of disallusionment.

END

PS Tell me what you think.

5 minute fiction

2010-06-26T08:54:00.002+10:00

This is the start of a little story I wrote in 5 minutes at my creative writing class. Let me know if you like it.

"Let's just take a moment to think this through," she said
He nodded.
"We really have no other option,"she said.
He nodded again.

She walked to the bedroom and got out her imitation leather suitcase. Slowly, oh so slowly, she picked up pieces of clothing, touching them tenderly. Some went in the suitcase. Others she folded neatly and placed on the bed they shared.

She stopped momentarily and wiped a small tear from her eye. She sighed deeply. It was going to be harder than she had imagined. Much, much harder.

She wanted to burn her wedding dress in the fire.

Why I will still vote Labor

2010-06-24T15:39:00.003+10:00

For those in other countries Australia has just sworn in our first female Prime Minister, Julia Gillard (pictured).

She has filled the post after the former Prime Minister (Kevin Rudd - see 2 posts ago) was flagging in the polls.

Gillard is less conservative than Rudd and is not a Christian so I think many of my fellow Australian Christians will go for the more conservative, Christian Tony Abbott. I will not.

This is for two reasons. The first is there is no benefit to me personally by voting liberal as they will no doubt cut social security (which I depend on for a living) and also cut education and health. I study and use the health system a lot for my mental illness. I can not vote for anyone who would decrease my quality of life to that extent, whether he believes in God or not.

The second reason is that, as a woman, Julia Gillard may be more open to some of the more intense issues effecting women such as domestic violence, rape and child abuse. I am not a conventional feminist but I do not believe women and children should put up with the light penalties for these crimes and the lack of education and shame surrounding them.

Also, in her words: "I will delight you. I will disappoint you. But always I will be working hard for you."

No doubt other people will have different views. I am not representing anyone else. These are just my views. I only ask if you have other views to please be respectful.

God Bless

Amber

My True Friend

2010-06-24T05:35:00.004+10:00

MY TRUE FRIEND

I love

the slick crunchiness

of the asphalt

after the dripping rain.

I love

the frenzied screams

of the wind

over the lapping sea.

I love

the curvaceous descent

of the rainbow

over the colouring sky.

BUT, most of all, I love

the light in the eyes

of my true friend

as she halts

in a jolt of recognition.

Why I will vote Labor

2010-06-23T12:57:00.003+10:00

Yes I do agree that Kevin Rudd has made some mistakes. I recently signed a petition to get him to give more funding etc to mental health - an issue I have very strong opinions on but...what are the other options?

On Monday I visited St John's Presbyterian church to view a web cast of Kevin Rudd (Australian Prime Minister) and Tony Abbott (Opposition Leader) speaking to Christians of prominent denominations.

Right from the start Kevin Rudd was clear, had well thought out policies and was able to relate well to the audience.

Abbott, in contrast, had vaguely expressed policies and also said things I disagree with about Aboriginal issues (Aboriginal people must learn to take responsibility...) and the economy (we want to cut spending without decreasing services - I don't know how you could do that and he didn't explain...)

Rudd, in contrast, had concrete plans for addressing health (taking on 60% of the funding), homelessness (building more temporary and permanent places to live), welfare reform in the NT to make sure essentials such as food were being bought and the environment (emissions trading and reductions, renewable energy).

Both men have a religious faith and it is certainly not on that basis that I criticize Abbott. I just feel that leaders should have a clear vision for our country and he seems to lack this vision.

Of course I would welcome respectful discussion on these matters.

My love to you all

Amber

Where Has Amber Been???

2010-06-22T14:52:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

Sorry it's been so long since I last wrote - I hope at least some of you remember me. I do plan to do fairly regular blogging again now so tune in.

The bad news, for me, is that I have have spent 6 months in hospital over the last year with psychosis and depression. Fortunately I had a wonderful psychiatrist who I am now seeing as an outpatient as well.

I also had a lot of support from my church, my friends and my family and I feel I am so lucky for that. So many mentally ill people seem to go it alone. Personally I don't know how they manage.

In hospital I also started doing two hour quiet times with God using journals, prayer books, bible studies etc. This has helped me immensely. Even though I don't know why He allows me to suffer so much I do feel He is there with me.

My big achievement, so far, is giving up smoking. So far it's been two and a half weeks. I am using patches and chewing gum together as I was such a heavy smoker and it's working. Sometimes I crave a cigarette but it usually doesn't last long which is fantastic! Please pray that I keep up the good work!

I have also moved house into a housing commission flat. I am very happy here. I have more room to move and my landlord (the state government) basically leaves me alone. I am close to services and the rent is cheap too. Jessie (my beautiful cat) is also much happier.

I am starting up my writing again. I attended a poetry workshop on Sunday which was great and am going to go to classes starting this Thursday. I have been keeping a journal too and may share some of my entries with you - I hope you like them!

Last, but not least, I am continuing in my studies at the Polytechnic. If all goes well I should finish at the end of the year. After that I intend enrolling in an online Postgraduate Diploma in Christian creative writing.

Anyway, that's all from me.

Amber

Prayer Request - Smoking

2009-05-21T16:09:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone

I am doing really, really badly on the stopping smoking front. I have, so far, managed not to buy a packet but I go up to people on the street for one every few hours. This, I know, is not good enough. I feel terrible.

My stress levels are also through the roof. I had to leave class an hour early today because I was stressed and couldn't concentrate. Luckily I am well ahead with my work so the main damage is to my pride.

I really, really want to give up but it is much tougher than I imagined. I need your help!

Pray please. Give suggestions. Pray again.

Thanks guys

Amber

Yay - Amber and Jessie are moving out!

2009-05-19T07:49:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone

Yes it's true - I got the flat and I can have my beautiful cat Jessie with me. I am so excited and nervous. As it is permanent housing (no lease - you can only be kicked out for bad behaviour etc) this is a tremendous relief for me and a real answer to prayer.

I move in 1-2 weeks which I know will be hectic and stressful. Please pray that I get through it well.

I am also now going to try and give up smoking as I promised God I would try if I got the place. This will also be good for me in terms of my physical health. I will start off on nicotine replacement therapy so I don't get too grumpy and then gradually wean off it.

Anyway thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. They worked!

God Bless

Amber

A Housing Possibility

2009-05-16T07:01:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

Thanks so much for your support and prayers over what has been a very tough week for me.

Anyway yesterday I went to see my case manager and she said that Mental Health Services had put my name down for a designated Mental Health Unit. I am the only one who they put forward to get it so it seems to be a real possibility.

The next step is to see whether Housing Management will approve me going in. My Case Manager is fairly positive that they will but, just in case, please, please pray that they do.

Also please pray that I can take my beautiful cat Jessie with me.

I went yesterday to see the unit and it is lovely. They are painting it. It is larger than my current unit and closer to amenities.

I will know next week so stay tuned.

God Bless

Amber

Hospital and Respite

2009-05-13T13:51:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

On Sunday night the voices came back with a vengeance. I spent all day in bed trying to fight them off - they wouldn't go and I was exhausted. I then spent Monday in bed and it just got worse. On Monday night I rang a friend and asked her to take me to hospital.

I was very, very sick but they had no beds in the psychiatric ward. I stayed overnight in the emergency department. The psychiatrist came in the morning and said there were still no beds so they gave me a sedative. I went to sleep and then the doctor said, because I went to sleep, that I could go home.

I didn't feel that going home was a good option so I rang my Case Manager and asked if I could go to Respite. Respite is a 'step down' from the hospital for people who are a bit unwell but can cope a little bit. They have nurses and a cook and cleaner but no doctors and you can go out if you want to.

I feel very settled in Respite but I have to go home tomorrow and am really scared about that. Please, please pray for me that I will cope and/or Respite will let me have a few more days.

God Bless

Amber

Mothers Day - An Interview with my Mother

2009-05-10T14:16:00.005+10:00

Hi Everyone

As it is Mothers Day here today here is a picture of, and an interview with, my mother. Hope you enjoy reading.

What were your thoughts and feelings when you had your first child (which was me)?

Joy and fear. Joy because I was a 'little miracle' and then fear because she and my father had no idea what to do. She said they used to hold a mirror up to my face to make sure I was still breathing. At that time there were no books etc on how to be a parent and they relied on observation and experience. They were both very responsible and did their best but there wasn't much support. My father's parents were in Hobart, they were in Launceston and my mother's parents were in Elliott (country Tasmania in the North West). They hadn't been in Launceston long and didn't have many friends there. My mother relied a lot on the child health clinics.

How was this similar or different to the births of your other three children?

In Melbourne (where my brother was born) they had a lot of friends aqnd neighbours through babysitting, my father's work and tennis. Also a reference book on childrearing 'Dr Spock' had come out which was helpful.

With my two much younger sisters from mum's second marriage things were a lot easier as she had already reared two children and had more confidence and less worry. She found their milestones interesting but not frightening.

What values or ethics have you tried to instill in your children?

These were predominantly Christian values such as honesty, integrity, loyalty, not stealing, keeping promises, work for things, save up to buy things and set goals. My mother was also keen on keeping family traditions at times such as Easter, Christmas and Birthdays. She also valued routines. One familiar one for me was 'Toilet, teeth and bed.' She also sang when it was bath time.

What challenges have you faced as a parent?

My mother said her greatest challenge was her hatred of both of her former husbands. In my father's case she said she tried not to poison us against our father but often found this difficult.

In my stepfather's case she told the children exactly what had happened and stated that they couldn't see their father for their own protection. She said some people disagreed with this approach but his early death meant that a full confrontation was avoided.

To what do you attribute the academic successes of your children?

Mum stated that this was a result of both her 'genetic brilliance', fostering an environment of learning at home and working with teachers rather than against them. She read to all her children from when they were babies, played the piano and sang, had many 'dress up' costumes available and encouraged 'discovery tours' of the garden and nearby parks etc. She stated that she did not expect 100% from teachers and, if there were gaps in our learning, rather than blaming the teacher she would work with them and support them so the gaps would close.

What have been your proudest moments as a mother?

She said that I, at four, would not go further than I was allowed despite peer pressure to do so. I returned, sobbing, stating that I had stood my ground. She felt that showed I was strong minded and ethical.

She also remembers the academic prowess - my brother's state Maths prize, my bursary and my two sisters getting dux of the school.

She said that Kathy Cameron, a teacher at my old school Hellyer College, told her I was the most brilliant English student she had ever taught.

Mum is also pleased with the integrity of all her children who she thinks of as 'good people' and the recent generosity of my brother who paid for my sister and I to go to Melbourne.

What do you think you have done well as a parent?

She said she had tried to listen to her children. She had provided a good learning environment although she found we were a little more difficult in our adolescence. She also felt she had managed well on a limited budget and we were able to participate in sport, travel and music and ate healthy meals. She said that she always put the children's needs first and, often, her wardrobe suffered as a result.

What would be your advice to first time mothers?

Stop working and spend more time with the children. Follow your instincts. Be encouraging. Don't spoil them with too much money.

The End

Hope you have all enjoyed the interview. Please continue to pray for my housing situation.

God Bless

Amber

An allergic reaction

2009-05-09T17:28:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

It's been sooo long and I've missed you all. Thanks heaps to those who dropped by even when I was out of credit.

I had almost recovered recovered from my nasty voices yesterday and went to my doctor for a routine flu vaccination. I have these every year so I just went in, the nurse jabbed me in the arm and then I left.

I was at the Polytechnic (where I study) and I went to the toilet. I noticed that my neck was red raw and I felt a little dizzy. I asked the receptionist if I could ring my doctor and she said yes.

The doctor told me to come in right away which scared me so I went into prayer overload. Eg "Please God let me be Ok. Don't let me die" etc etc.

The doctor gave me an anti inflammatory medication and some chocolate to keep my sugar levels up. My pulse was up to about 140 and my blood pressure was really high too. I was scared.

Thankfully everything was OK in the end and I left the surgery and was told to go to bed for the rest of the day which I did.

Anyway I am OK now - physically and mentally. Please continue to pray for my housing situation.

Also coming up tomorrow is my special ''Mothers Day" Interview with my very own mother.

God Bless

Amber

Out of credit

2009-05-06T16:32:00.001+10:00

Hi Everyone

Just a quick note to say that I am out of internet credit so won't be able to post or comment much for the next few days.

Keep up the prayer please - still experiencing symptoms but they are getting better.

Will be back on board on Saturday.

May God Bless you all

Amber

The Album of Opinions - Now it's My Turn

2009-05-05T18:11:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

I am slowly recovering from my psychotic episode over the weekend. Still very tired but have been able to go to classes as normal. A big, huge thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

Anyway - today's post includes my answers to the Album of Opinions questions - hope you enjoy reading them.

The Noblest Aim in Life
To love God, others and myself.

The characters you admire most in real life.
My friend Megan and my grandmother Bronwen.

Who do you consider the greatest living politician?
Kevin Rudd (Australian Prime Minister)

What political questions are you chiefly interested in?
Mental health reform. Improving the quality of life of Australian Aboriginal people.

The greatest artists and musicians?
Van Gogh and Salvador Dali. Bono from U2

Your favourite characters in fiction?
Lucy from the Narnia series and, recently, Bella from Twilight

The time of year you like most?
Summer

The authors you admire most?
CS Lewis, TS Eliot, Shakespeare

A brief definition of love.
There are different types of love. The best of them is when you consider the other person's needs before your own.

The scenery you admire most?
Secluded beaches with pure white sand.

Your idea of happiness
To be completely rid of mental illness.

Your favourite motto or proverb
A good name is better than riches (from Proverbs in the Bible)

The wrongs you would redress.
Third world debt should be abolished so developing countries can actually develop.

Reforms you would advocate
More funding and early intervention for serious mental illnesses

Your favourite recreation or hobby
Reading, writing and theatre (directing and acting)

The true place of woman in society
This is a tricky one. Some women prefer to be at home and others prefer to work. I think the 'place' should be what is considered to be the best outcome for the husband, wife and children. Single women can really do what they want.

Your favourite topic of study
Writing

Your chief ambition
To be a published author and support myself totally by writing.

The Christian name you like best
Jessica and Joshua

Your ideas on the subject of marriage.
Marriage can be wonderful if both partners make an effort to love the other and put the other's needs above their own needs. Also we need to choose our partners well and not just on our hormones.

The qualities you respect most in men and women?
Honesty, openness, kindness, gentleness, generosity and humour.

Your favourite flowers, birds and beasts
Carnations, white cockatoo, cat.

The End

Hey - maybe now it's your go! God Bless

Amber

A Woman of No Importance - A play by Oscar Wilde

2009-05-03T09:26:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

On Friday night to confuse the voices a bit I went to see 'A Woman of No Importance' by Oscar Wilde.

The play was full of nasty, superficial characters and witty one liners.

Basically a young middle class man, Gerald Arbuthnot, finds himself accepted into aristocratic society and offered the post of secretary to the sleazy Lord Illingworth. He also falls in love with their rich American guest Hester Worsley.

Word is sent to Gerald's mother, Mrs Rachel Arbuthnot, to come to see her son and celebrate his good fortune.

It turns out, however, that Lord Illingworth is Gerald's father and his mother hates him for leaving her to bring up Gerald alone.

Eventually the only 'nice' characters - Rachel, Gerald and Hester decide to go to America to get away from the rest of them.

The play is filled with some wonderful one liners including - "Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." Also "Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance."

I thoroughly enjoyed the play and it distracted me nicely from those awful voices.

God Bless

Amber

Hearing Voices - Please God not this again!

2009-05-01T17:46:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone

My worst fear is happening all over again. The voices are back.

I was totally fine in the morning but at lunch time they hit.

This is what they are saying - they start off with a list of all the bad, stupid etc things I did when I was a teacher, then they say 'you were a crap teacher and you are therefore a crap person and you deserve to die'. They end up telling me to kill myself.

I have been arguing with them all afternoon. I am saying to them that God has saved me and that therefore I deserve to live. And that I am retraining and won't be going near a classroom again. That all the stupid things I did have been forgiven by God Himself.

I am exhausted by all this arguing. I have been to the doctor and the counsellor. They both told me to go to hospital if I get worse.

I don't want to go to hospital! I have spent months building up a positive lifestyle and working hard at my studies. A break in hospital could ruin all that.

Please, please pray for me that these voices will go away.

Thank you

Amber

Thank God it wasn't cancer

2009-04-29T17:31:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

Today was a very emotional day for me. My beautiful cat Jessie (pictured) has had lumps under her chin for over a month now. They hadn't cleared up with medication and she had begun to scratch at them. I was told it could be cancer.

I went to my classes as normal but, at the back of my mind, there was this fear. As the day progressed it grew worse. Luckily it was a really full day so I didn't have enough time to have a full blown panic attack but I was getting close - my heart was beating fast and I had to control my breathing. And, of course, I prayed. Not just once, oh no, I prayed every few minutes.

My friend Tony took Jessie and I to the vet. Once there I was ushered into the consultation room. I was there, alone with Jessie, for about ten minutes. I prayed and did deep breathing exercises the whole time.

The vet, a young Chinese woman, was very sympathetic. She cuddled Jessie to calm her down and looked at the lumps. She said she would show Jessie to the skin specialist. I was alone in the room - more prayer and breathing.

When she re-entered with Jessie in her arms she said "I've got good news." The good news is that Jessie has cat acne which can be treated with antibiotics and a shampoo. I felt my body go limp. Thank you God!

I came home expecting to cuddle up to Jessie in celebration. But she wasn't having that. She sprinted out the door and hid in the bushes. I had to chase her for over an hour!

Jessie is now inside and calm and well.

Thank you to everyone who prayed.

God Bless

Amber

The Album of Opinions Revisited

2009-04-28T07:26:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

As many of you know before my grandmother died last year she left me a book that recorded the opinions of the relatives and friends of my great great grandmother and grandfather. These are really interesting. I am including, today, the full set of opinions of my great great grandmother Emily Wragg. I am also making up a new Album of Opinions and would love it if you could answer these same questions and either email it to me or include it in a comment.

Anyway here it goes - Emily Wragg's opinions

The noblest aim in life
Usefulness
The Greatest wonders of the world
Electricity and steam
The characters you most admire in real life
Kind husband and loving children
Who do you consider the greatest living politician?
Bad is the best right now
What political questions are you chiefly interested in?
Marriage with a deceased wife's sister - I don't like it.
The greatest artists and musicians
Too many to mention
Your favourite characters in fiction.
John Halifay
The time of year you like best
Summer
The authors you admire most
Walter Scott, Pope
A Brief Definition of love
A state of impermanence but beautiful while it lasts
The scenery you admire most
Woodland, beach and agricultural
Your idea of happiness
Quiet time with a dear relative or friend
Your favourite motto or proverb
"Whatevery thy hand guideth to do, do it with thy might."
The wrongs you would redress
All
Reforms you would advocate
Religious instruction in schools and the better management of children.
Your favourite recreation or hobby
Reading and needlework - no hobby
The true place of woman in society
House or at a friend's
Your favourite topic of study
It has been music
Your chief ambition
To be worthy of a good name
The Christian name you like be
Herbert Lucy
Your ideas on the subject of marriage
A state of happiness if both parties are loving
The qualities you respect most in men and women?
Men - generosity and courage
Women - modesty and sincerity
Your favourite flowers, birds and beasts
Roses, Talking Birds, Dogs

Name Emily M Wragg
Date June 25th 1885

The System (our play) - Scene 2

2009-04-26T20:13:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

Today my friend Heather and I finished the first draft of our play. We did a 'reading' and we both thought it was better than we had expected sooo...I decided to test whether you like it or not. I am doing scene 2 because scene 1 is a poem which Heather will write - scene 2 is where the action starts. The play would be rated 'M' is it had a rating because of adult themes, nudity and course language. If you're offended by any of these things don't say I haven't warned you. It is based in the psychiatric ward. Happy Reading!

Scene 2 - The Smoking Area

Light comes on and Chrissie enters. She lights up her smoke from the 'cigarette lighter pole' and then sits down next to a dazed Will.

Chrissie: I wish they'd give my lighter back.
Will: You will not believe the day I've just had.
Chrissie: You were gone for a while...what did you get up to?
Will: It's David.
Chrissie: What? What happened?
Will: I don't believe it...he, he's dead.
Chrissie: That's not funny Will.
Will: I'm not joking, he's dead.
Chrissie: Dead...DEAD...Dead?
(Chrissie moves to the bench opposite Will and cries. Jude and Sara enter).
Sara (to Jude): You're going to hell Jude! There's no such thing as purgatory.
Jude: How do you know that? Are you God?
Sara: I'm more dangerous than God so you better watch out!
Jude: You can't touch me. I am God!
Sara: Whatever...What's up with her?
Will: She's upset.
Sara: Now what?
Will: David's dead.
Jude: Where is he? I'll bring him back to life.
Sara: He died before I could fuck him.

Chrissie cries louder.

Will: Haven't you got any feelings?
Sara: For him I do, not for her.
Jude: I think you're going to hell.
Sara: This is hell baby.
Jude: Where is he? I'll heal him.
Chrissie: WILL EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!

The nurses Karen and Jen enter. Jen walks over to Chrissie, holds her and pats her back. Karen clears her throat loudly.

Karen: Let's have a bit of quiet please.
Chrissie (Between sobs): He's dead...he's dead.

Karen takes notes on her clipboard and Chrissie stops crying. Nicky runs in brandishing a note. He doesn't notice Chrissie's state.

Nicky: Flash for cash again. I've got $20 for smokes. David left me a note.
Karen: Give me that.

Chrissie grabs the note and reads aloud.

Chrissie: Here's your $20 back. Thanks mate. Goodbye.

Chrissie slumps back down with Jen.

Nicky: Do you girls want to make it a three some?

Chrissie slaps Nicky's face. Nicky walks off grinning. Dr Boloum enters holding a fancy black clipboard.

Chrissie (to Dr Boloum): What happened to David?
Dr Boloum: The circumstances aren't clear and I'm not free to comment at this stage.
Will: Oh for God's sake I saw the whole thing. He ran in front of a bus.
Jude: Why did he do a thing like that?
Will: He thought he saw his mother's murderer or something.

Karen claps her hands.

Karen: Jen, you look after Chrissie. The smoking area is now closed.

End of Scene 2

Please also remember to keep praying for my housing situation and the health of my beautiful cat Jessie.

God Bless you all

Amber

ANZAC Day

2009-04-25T15:02:00.005+10:00

Hi Everyone

Today it is ANZAC Day in Australia. For those of you from other countries ANZAC stands for "Australia and New Zealand Army Corps" and it is the day we remember our soldiers who suffered and/or died in war, especially World War One. Australians, for some reason unknown to me, specifically think of the bravery of our soldiers in Gallipoli. Gallipoli was a big mess up by the British and Australian lives were lost because of their poor tactics.

Today I forgot it was ANZAC Day. I got up early to do the grocery shopping. All the shops were shut except McDonalds. I ate at McDonalds then went back to the supermarket. Still closed. There were other people milling around outside the entrance. No one seemed to know what was going on. I went back to McDonalds and there learned the truth. The shops would open at midday. The morning was for ANZAC Day.

I am always unsure what I should feel when ANZAC Day comes around. My father's family are Quakers, and therefore pacificists and I have been deeply influenced by their beliefs. My grandfather on my mother's side didn't go to war, I think because he was needed to farm the land and provide food. My maternal grandmother's brother - Uncle Bill - went to the second World War and was taken prisoner by the Japanese. He didn't talk about it at all until shortly before his death and even then not to me.

So what I'm getting around to saying is that I don't know what war is like or how I feel about it. I have never been affected enough by war to really experience its ramifications and my imagination isn't good enough (or gory enough) to imagine them.

I can appreciate that many young men gave up so much because they loved our nation and I can understand how much they must have suffered. But only intellectually. I don't know it.

On the other hand I can also appreciate what pacificists say - war is awful and should be avoided at all costs. Although I have never seen how terrible war is it doesn't take a genuis to know that it's not a good thing.

So there you have it - my confused response to ANZAC Day.

A reminder to please keep me in your prayers regarding my housing situation.

God Bless

Amber

Twilight - the Book

2009-04-23T16:20:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

My apologies for being absent from the blogging world for a little while. Upon returning to Hobart I was seized with incredible tiredness and it was all I could do to get to my classes.

Now for the subject at hand - Twilight. Let me tell you that before Twilight I hated vampire tales, was sick to death of teenage love stories (after being a teacher for five years they get to you) and had no idea that the two together would be so compelling.

The book is wonderfully written and the romantic/sexual tension is really wonderfully done.

I also related to the heroine - Bella Swan. Bella is clumsy (like me), smart (hopefully like me), has low self-esteem (like me) and has no idea how she comes across to other people (like me).

I imagined I was Bella and I found myself falling in love with a vampire. Believe me I've never done that before!

Edward's character is done really well. I could really see his struggle with his growing love for Bella and his knowledge that being a vampire would, well, sort of complicate things a little.

The book also has a lot of twists and turns - Bella's life is at risk three, yes three, times. Usually I would just think that that was totally unrealistic and stop reading. But it's hard, very hard, to stop reading Twilight.

I did read somewhere that some Christian groups dislike Twilight. I am unsure why. If you're one of them please tell me why.

As a Christian reader I really related to it. Edward's struggle with his 'inner monster' is very like my own struggle with sin. It was done very, very well. Also his totally unconditional love for Bella is very like God's love for us.

Bella, likewise, is willing to risk her life to save both her own and Edward's families.

Apparently some people hate Twilight - I really thought I'd be one of them but I have already made arrangements to purchase the other books from a girl in my course who has them and hates their presence.

On a different note (ie end of book review note) please pray for me regarding my cat's health and my impending eviction.

God Bless

Amber

Inspirational People - Tracey

2009-04-19T07:08:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

I want to share with you some stuff about one of the most inspirational and supportive people I have ever met (drumroll) - the wonderful Tracey!

I first met Tracey in 2000. I was not a Christian but had gone to her church out of curiosity with my friends Amy and Jen. Amy, Jen, Tracey and I went to a pub after church.

My first impression of Tracey was that she was funny, creative and down to earth. Sometimes first impressions can be realistic.

Tracey became a Christian in 2000 (before I met her) because of her flatmates Nick (now a church elder) and Mikey (now a pastor). The house she lived in was near the church and a lot of the church members would pop in after church. She also especially remembers Paul Chew (now an Anglican minister).

After becoming a Christian Tracey "Felt like everything made sense."

Tracey's leadership abilities were obvious and after a year of intense spiritual growth in 2000 she commenced a Ministry Apprentiship in 2001 at the University. She said that although this was a steep learning curve for her she didn't want to waste any more time.

At the end of 2002 I had my breakdown. My friends Amy and Jen called Tracey and we met up. Tracey took me through a Bible study about depression and supported me with weekly meetings.

Tracey also taught me how to have better social skills so I could explain to people what was going on and what they could do to help. This was invaluable as most people had no idea what was happening or how they could help.

Tracey encouraged me to develop my intellectual reasoning also so that I was not making decisions purely with my emotions.

When I met Tracey she was finishing off a Bachelor of Arts. In 2004 Tracey moved to Melbourne to go to Bible College. I did not want her to go. I didn't think I'd cope without her and, to a large extent, I didn't.

Tracey has now completed her Graduate Diploma in Bible and Ministry and she still hasn't come back to Hobart! Come on Tracey we need you!

Anyway Tracey is currently studying for a Graduate Diploma in Counselling. She will be an awesome counsellor. She is due to finish this at the end of 2010. After that she will consider a range of options including a school chaplain, church counsellor or University Ministry.

She also currently works as a legal receptionist. She says she doesn't love this job but it has been good for her.

If you want to find out more about Tracey her blog address is http://www.tracex-trace.blogspot.com. She doesn't update it often but it is always fun when she does.

God Bless

Amber

The Zoo and other animals

2009-04-17T23:26:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone

As you can tell today I went to the zoo. The first exhibit was the mercats (pictured - the ones that are not lions or kangaroos). I like mercats because they are cute and really energetic. Most of the animals were asleep or resting but the little mercats were running around. We were in time to see them fed.

I was really wanting to see the 'Big Cats' - the lions in particular. I love lions. Of course in real life they would be terrifying. African people I know hate them. But, to me, they are just sooo beautiful and majestic.

And, of course, we had a big kangaroo exhibit. Even though I have seen heaps of kangaroo exhibits I still like them. This one was chasing people for food and rubbing up against people for pats. I patted it a bit but it was more interested in the little kids.

We had a rest at the hotel for a couple of hours and then went out for tea. Today we went to a Greek restaurant called Dion, which is apparently the name for the house of Zeus. We had pita bread and five dips for entree then I had mediterranean chicken. Oh it was so lush. A little tangy and sooo tender.

After that we went to the only comedian in the show I have seen live before - Judith Lucy. The last time I saw her (in Hobart about 15 years ago) it was all feminist jokes. Not this time! This time it was about turning 40 (two and a half years for me so I did understand). Like me Judith Lucy is single and has no kids and doesn't drive a car. I could really relate but it was perhaps a bit two close to home to be outrageously funny.

The next act was Stephen K Amos. He was just great. A black comedian originally from England he just poked fun at everyone and everything. He played the race card a little bit but also commented on just everything and anything.

In between the two acts I lost my temper completely at the bar. I even scared myself. People were pushing in and shoving me and the bar tenders closed the bar just as I was about to order. I just felt it was unjust and I could feel this rage welling up. Thank God for Stephen K Amos otherwise I might have screamed.

Please pray that I will not be overwhelmed by anything like that again.

God Bless you all

Amber

A blast from the past (and more comedy)

2009-04-16T22:50:00.005+10:00

Hi Everyone

It is a little well known fact that I lived in Melbourne until I was 9 years old. I identify as being a Tasmanian but Melbourne also holds a special place in my heart.

Anyway today my brother, my sister and I went back to Surrey Hills where we used to live. My sister wasn't born (she is only 16) when we were there but it jogged some memories for my brother and I.

Before the school was a park with pine trees that were very tall. When my brother was about 4 or 5 he climbed nearly to the top. My mum, who is terrified of heights, had to climb up after him. It was a real life cliff hanger moment. Anyway pictured is my brother standing against one of the pine trees.

Our school, Canterbury Primary School, was up the road. My brother and I are pictured at the school. I remember the school being very traditional which bored me. I would sit and stare out the window. The teachers assumed I couldn't do the work and put me in a remedial class. Well my mother wasn't having that. She stormed up to the school and told them I was smart. I then got extension work which was more fun. It was during these extension classes that I found my true book-love The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

Apart from that we had some glorious food today. We met my uncle Tim for lunch and went to an Italian restaurant called 'Calabrien' in North Carlton. I had a seafood and avocado pizza which was just delicious. At tea time we went to China town to a restaurant called 'Dahu Peking Duck Restaurant'. I had steamed dumplings, green tea, prawn crackers and a beautiful dish made of beancurd, pork and chillis. Unusual taste but I loved it.

We saw two comedians tonight, both women - Fiona O'Loughlin and Nina Conti. Fiona I had heard of before because she is from Alice Springs and I used to live there. I just loved her for some reason. She mainly talked about her husband and kids but it was just sooo funny. Two of her kids came on stage too.

Nina Conti was more sophisticated. She is a ventriloquist and puppeteer as well as a comedian. She had rather a complex theme - centred around how her puppet was the 'missing link' in the evolutionary trail. Then the puppet said well actually he wasn't real so maybe she was delusional and depressed. I know it probably sounds like a better show but there was something about Fiona.

Tomorrow we go to the zoo which I'm excited about because we don't have one in Tasmania. Also we get to see a feminist comedian I've seen before.

God Bless you all

Amber

A very busy day

2009-04-16T09:23:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone

As you can tell from the pictures yesterday I went to the Melbourne Aquarium. We don't have one in Hobart so it is a bit of a treat. The shark pictured is the only Grey Nurse shark alive in the whole state of Victoria. The other picture is the King Penguins. They were really big to me as here we only get the little penguins.

We went on a glass bottom boat and the sharks and other fish swam under us. That was really cool.

I got to have about an hour with my sister shopping and I bought a new handbag for ten dollars and a really nice black dress for fifteen dollars.

We went to a restaurant called Portland Lane for dinner and I got to have my favourite dessert - sticky date pudding in butterscotch sauce. It was wonderful.

We saw three acts at the comedy festival and I think three is a bit much. I was exhausted.

The first one was 16 different acts. The best two out of that was a guy who put tape on his mouth and just mimed everything and a guy who dressed up as a nine year old boy and talked about moving his grandmother into a home.

We then saw a woman called Denise Scott. I didn't like her at first but she got better as the day wore on. She talked a lot about her husband and children and made fun of them.

The last act was Arj Barker. He was probably the best but I was soooo tired by the time I saw him I couldn't take it all in. He started off with a send up of the whole 'breathe out' negativity stuff on a screen. He then did a whole heap of political and religious stuff.

Please pray that I keep my stress levels under control and am able to be assertive about my need for rest.

God Bless

Amber

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

2009-04-14T23:18:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone

As most of you know today was the day when I travelled to Melbourne. Pictured is the plane we went on. It is a very small plane and seats about thirty people. It was a bit squashed inside.

I am a bit scared of flying and prayed all the time that we would arrive safely. We had very little turbulance which was good.

We then had to get on two different buses to find our hotel. The hotel is nice - four stars - and has a TV with Austar and a pool. I forgot to bring my bathers though.

We went to a lovely Indian restaurant called Balti for dinner. I had beef korma which was just exquisite.

There were many frustrations. I am not very fit and I walk slowly. Also we kept getting lost despite having a map. Sometimes it got so bad I just wanted to go back home. I'm not used to having so many things jammed into a day.

Anyway we went to the Comedy Festival after dinner. The picture above shows me outside the theatre.

The first act was Dave Hughes. He was quite funny - lots of blokey Aussie humour with some topical stuff. He also talked quite a lot about relationships and his wife which I thought was quite sweet.

The second act, Wil Anderson, was much, much better. He commented on mainly topical stuff -our Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, the global financial crisis, drugs, the Victorian bushfires, religion and gay marriage. He was, like a lot of comedians, a bit anti Christian but he was very, very funny. I laughed nearly the whole way through.

Anyway I need to sign off now so I can get up early to go to the Acquarium.

God Bless

Amber

A Traditional Easter Sunday - with eggs!

2009-04-13T10:04:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

My family is very traditional about Easter, especially my brother.

We were all up by 8 am to give eggs and other chocolates to one another. Pictured is what I received.

We then had a breakfast of savoury toast together. The savoury toast was mixed with mum's special chutney which I love.

My brother hid a whole heap of eggs in the garden and we had to hunt for them. This was fun. Even though I do it every Easter it was still fun. I found lots of eggs.

One of my friends from primary school (she is the person I've known the longest apart from family) came around and we had a great catch up. She was pleased I was feeling a lot better and I was pleased she had a house and a job.

The evening meal was wonderful. Mum and I started off with a seafood cocktail. After that was a roast dinner of turkey, chicken and vegetables, including cauliflower cheese which is one of my favourites.

I said grace at the table. This was hard as I know my family do not share my faith. I stumbled a bit but I thanked God for His love and forgiveness.

Tomorrow we go to Melbourne for the Comedy Festival which is really exciting for me. This break has been just what I needed.

God Bless you all

Amber

Resurrection Sunday - My near death experience

2009-04-12T05:58:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

As today is the day we celebrate Jesus' resurrection I thought it might be interesting for you to read about my first experience with God.

I was 15 years old and I had glandular fever. I had taken weeks and weeks off school and just lay in bed feeling terrible. To top it all off the glandular fever was making my asthma worse. I would take my asthma sprays and they would only provide the smallest possible relief.

Anyway one day I was especially sick. I thought I was going to die. My mother went to work but called my aunt to check on me. I couldn't walk and was coughing up blood.

My aunt took me to the hospital where they took me into one of the urgent emergency rooms immediately. They put me on an oxygen mask and they were just putting in a drip when I felt the room go starry, then grey, then black.

I went down a white tunnel which was full of love and brightness. The further up the tunnel I went, the brighter the white light was.

After some distance I heard the most beautiful voice. It said ''It is not your time to die. You must go back. There is something you must do."

I opened my eyes. I was in hospital attached to a drip and an oxygen mask. I was admitted to hospital for several weeks.

I didn't tell anyone of my spiritual experience until much, much later - when I was in my twenties. But I pondered it in my heart and it is one of the reasons I sought out Jesus and the church.

I still don't know what the thing is that I must do - I must wait patiently for an answer.

This memory comforts me and reminds me (like in Psalm 23) - "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death you are with me."

God Bless you all

Amber

The Shack - Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity

2009-04-11T15:29:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

I just finished reading The Shack. It was a gripping read - well written, lots of action and emotion and, of course, a lot of spiritual information.

I will only tell a little of the story because I want you all to read it.

Basically a family goes camping and, while there, their youngest daughter is kidnapped and brutally murdered. The father, like most of us when tragedy strikes, got angry at God.

He receives a letter from God to go back to the shack where the murder of his daughter took place.

What follows then is the story of his burgeoning relationship with God.

What I liked the most is that it taught, in an interesting way, that God is a God of love, of relationship and of forgiveness. God wants our good and He is good.

It's often hard for me to realize this when my own life has often been so negative. This was the same for the guy in the story. I also relate to Jesus more than I relate to God the Father or the Holy Spirit. This was the same for the main character, Mack, as well.

I would encourage everyone to give this book a go - even if you are not a Christian, or you are but don't believe God can speak so personally. Just pick up this book and see what you make of it. It is truly intriguing.

God Bless you all and have a Fabulous Easter Sunday Tomorrow.

Amber

A bus ride and a game of cards

2009-04-10T20:30:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone

Happy Good Friday! Today, thank God, was a much better day. Although I didn't feel particularly spiritual, and I didn''t meditate on Jesus' atoning sacrifice, I was a little more relaxed.

I woke up at 4 am and cleaned the house (so my land lady doesn't have cause to kick me out even earlier than July), spent quality time with my cat and packed.

At 10 am my friend Kate arrived to take me to the bus stop. She and my pastor Dan are also arranging a roster to give food and medication to my beautiful cat Jessie. Thanks Kate and Dan. I am so relieved.

I then got on the bus and proceeded to read a very good book. I won't tell you what it was because I intend reviewing it once I've finished. Stay tuned!

Half way through the bus journey an eleven year old girl sat next to me. She was surprisingly honest and perceptive. She told me she was reading Shakespearean plays in her spare time and could calm her dad down when he was angry.

My mother, brother and sister met me at the bus stop. I had some hot cross buns then mum made a dinner of fish, flat bread and salad.

After dinner we played one of our families favourite card games. It is called '500'. My brother said it is only known in Australia. You play in pairs and you win tricks by going a suit. You are dealt ten cards and you call out how many you think you will win eg six hearts. Six is the lowest you can go.

I was surprised to realise how loud my family are. My mum told me she has a hearing impediment and I think my brother and sister are just used to talking loudly so she can hear them.

The card game was fun and I feel much better now. Thanks to all who prayed.

Please pray that my holidays continue to be relaxing and enjoyable.

God Bless

Amber

Another crap day

2009-04-09T16:47:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

Today I found out that the people who were going to look after my cat while I'm away won't be here to be able to do it.

I rang my Pastor and he's going to organise something I think.

I'm feeling pretty terrible - headaches, anxiety, depression - not a good omen for the start of my holidays.

Tomorrow I go to Burnie to spend Easter with my family and then on Tuesday I go to Melbourne for the comedy festival.

I hope these things cheer me up. It's only about 5 pm and I have had enough of today so I'm going to bed.

Please, please pray for me.

God Bless

Amber

I'm a Spiritual Director

2009-04-08T15:27:00.001+10:00

Hi Everyone

I'm still stressing (and needing prayer) about my housing situation but I thought I'd post about something else today.

Yesterday one of my friends met with me to discuss how I could be her 'spiritual director'. I was honoured to be chosen. As she doesn't want to be named publicly I will call her Theresa.

Theresa grew up in a difficult home where drugs, sex and violence were common occurrences. Since becoming a Christian a few years she has totally changed her lifestyle and is now studying to be able to help other people do the same thing. I described her, in some of my autobiographical writing, as 'fiercely intelligent' and she liked that description.

There were five areas we discussed

Bible reading
Prayer
Corporate or church involvement
Meditation
Christian growth and lifestyle

In terms of Bible study she has received a prophecy that she will be like the Biblical prophet Jeremiah. She aims to read Jeremiah soon but is finding it difficult. She loves the law books and the New Testament letters as she likes structure. She is sick of the simplicity of daily readers. Recently she has been reading the Psalms. At first she didn't like the Psalms because she thought it was just everyone crying out for help but now she is getting more out of them. She reads the Bible every few days and is comfortable with that. Previously she was anxious that she was not doing enough.

Regarding Prayer she also likes a structured approach. She often 'hears' God speak to her personally but stopped hearing from Him in this way for about six months. This got to her. A woman at her church told her that "God had turned his back on her." She thought that this was because she was putting other things and other people before God in an idolatrous way. Last week she repented of this and confessed her failings to God. Last Sunday she heard again from God personally.

In terms of Meditation she has been struck by the Bible verse: "Be still and know that I am God." She read an article on meditation and was inspired. She finds, however, that the guidelines are too loose for her structured mindset. Her mind goes off on tangents instead of sticking to the thing she has chosen to meditate on.

Theresa has had many problems with her Church or corporate body in the last few years. Now, however, she is feeling really good about her involvement there. About a year ago she felt she was excluded and she pushed really hard to be included. She realised that some of this was caused by her own negative thinking so she moderated her self talk and ceased mind reading. She is now more involved in church activities. However, she thinks that trying so hard at being included has pushed Jesus out of the picture a little. She desires to focus more on Him and focus on people only secondarily.

Lastly Theresa has been through intense Christian Growth. She has turned away from the sins of her family and structured her values on Christ. Because she has been so successful in doing this she is, and she admits it, a little arrogant. She realises that it is OK to be confident in her changed lifestyle and her success despite the odds but she needs to balance this with humility and reliance on Christ. She is also becoming more adept socially. She finds socialising draining but realises it is necessary to get on in the world.

I hope you have liked reading about my friend Theresa. Please pray for her and for me that I will encourage and rebuke her lovingly.

God Bless

Amber

Oh no - an eviction is looming!

2009-04-07T18:31:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

I'm almost too depressed to write this but I feel quite supported by my fellow bloggers so I thought I would. It will, however, probably be shorter than my usual posts.

Today I had a fairly good day (writing class, my studies and coffee with a friend) until I got home.

There was an envelope pushed under my door. I immediately felt something was up.

I tore it open and read it. It said that I have until the end of July to find alternative accommodation as a relative of my land lady will be moving into the flat then.

End of July, you may think, that's ages. It might be for some people but not for me. I can not get a house with a private land lord or agency as, during the period that my mental illness was acute, I was always in trouble for a messy house and debts.

I, therefore, have to go through the public system or live with someone I know. I see my case manager tomorrow and hopefully she will be able to assist me.

Right now I feel so depressed I almost don't want to go on living.

For those that pray please, please, please pray for me in this situation.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading this blog and encouraging me.

God Bless you all

Amber

I go to the doctor

2009-04-06T17:39:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

Today I went to the doctor. Because...I was physically sick twice in March and I still feel pretty run down and, of course, because I am feeling very stressed and depressed. I have even had my menstrual period twice in four weeks which I think is probably due to stress.

My doctor is really lovely. She is thorough, kind and patient. She did a physical examination and then quizzed me a little about my lifestyle and psychological state.

In the end she told me to:

Keep doing my studies because it distracts me from my problems and, besides, I'm good at it.
Take a multivitamin every day
Get lots of rest
Don't exercise or overdo activities
Go to the Melbourne comedy festival as planned because humour is healing
Take valium when needed
Stay out of hospital if at all possible

She said I suffered from a post viral syndrome with depression and anxiety (which are pre existing).

Tomorrow I go to the psychiatrist for my monthly check up and blood test.

Please continue to pray for my physical and mental health and for my beautiful cat.

God Bless

Amber

A Chinese King Lear

2009-04-05T16:12:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone

I'm still depressed but finding ways to distract myself.

Yesterday I went to a Chinese version of King Lear. King Lear (as you can tell from my email address) is one of my favourite Shakespearean plays.

The story is: The ageing King Lear wants to divide his kingdom up between his three daughters - Goneril, Reagan and Cordelia. To get their share they have to tell him how much they love him.

Goneril and Reagan describe their 'love' eloquently whereas Cordelia is simple and plain. In a rage King Lear disowns Cordelia.

Lear realises he has made the wrong decision as Goneril and Reagan betray him and he is left to roam the streets, gradually going mad. He realises he needs to find Cordelia.

A lot of twists and turns and then, like most Shakespearean tragedies, nearly everyone dies.

This production, though, was very Chinese. It took me some time to get used to the clanging and jerking sounds of a traditional Chinese orchestra.

I did love the dancing, though, which verged on martial arts.

One man (Wu Hsing-kuo) played all the parts and he did it brilliantly. I particularly liked the opening scenes where Lear walks around, half mad, looking for Cordelia.

Also Cordelia came across as gentle and sweet, as opposed to her more confident, manipulative sisters. I think this is the right interpretation. Cordelia loves her father but it is not in her nature to be so flowery in her feelings.

All in all a wonderful distraction from my depressed mood.

God Bless

Amber

Jessie goes to the vet

2009-04-04T10:24:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday I took Jessie to the vet because she has a scabby growth under her chin.

I thought it was probably a cyst.

The vet said there were 3 possibilities - 1) it is just an infection and will clear up with anti biotics and anti inflammatories. She gave me both of these to give to Jessie. 2) It is a cyst and 3) it is cancer.

I am very worried about possibility 3. So worried that I took valium yesterday so I could sleep off my emotions.

I have only had Jessie for a few months and she has fast become my best friend. The thought of losing her cuts deep.

Please pray for me an Jessie about this - that Jessie will recover and that I can deal with my emotions a bit better.

God Bless

Amber

Happy April Fool's Day

2009-04-01T17:25:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

Did anyone 'get' you for April Fool's Day? My brother 'got' me by telling me our planned trip to Melbourne after Easter to go to the Melbourne Comedy Festival had been cancelled. I bought it hook, line and sinker.

A couple of young women in my class told their mothers they were getting married. One even said she was pregnant. I think, at these times of the year, I am just a bit too nice.

The sort of comedy I enjoy is the sort produced by Christian writer Adrian Plass. Adrian Plass came to my attention in the late 1980's with his book The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass. Here was a Christian writer sending himself up - believe me that's a rarity.

Plass is funny, humble and a good writer. I have read nearly all of his books and I never fail to be amused and entertained. He is like a breath of fresh air into the mass of Christian literature.

His latest offering Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation is no exception. It is an alphabeticised guide to Christianity. Short pieces which is good for my current scatty concentration span.

I will share my two favourite excerpts, with a little commentary for those who aren't familiar with the Christian subculture.

"Doctrine the things that I believe, not to be confused with heresy, which is the things other people believe."

Each church has its particular doctrinal slant. In my case I go to a Presbyterian church. Their slant, if you like, is predestination. They are inclined to, in layman's terms, focus on 'God directing everything' rather than humans having personal choice.

My father's family are Quakers. Their doctrinal slant is peace. They do not believe in war or violent conflict for any reason. They emphasise verses like 'Blessed are the peacemakers' etc.

The church where I became a Christian is a Pentecostal church. They emphasise spiritual gifts or supernatural gifts such as prophecy and speaking in tongues.

These slants are, I think, quite fine but, unfortunately, they have led to accusations of 'heresy' and outbreaks of hatred and conflict. This, really, goes against the teachings of Jesus.

If we can laugh at these things we will, hopefully, both minimise and appreciate these differences.

Now for the second quote: "Old Testament The part of the Christian Bible containing the Scriptures of the Hebrews. Must, of course, be regarded as inerrant, infallible and a guide to daily living. That is whuy modern churches regularly take their disobedient teenagers out and stone them..."

Yeah, it does say in the Bible that parents can have their kids stoned for unrelenting disobedience. Nowdays the stoning would be murder and child abuse and the offending parent would be jailed for a very long time. Really makes you think doesn't it? How times change.

In Australia now parents aren't even allowed to hit their children, although many do. How do you think modern Christians should deal with these sorts of passages? Any ideas would be welcome. I'm sure I don't know the answer.

The fact that this is humourous underlines, I think, that know one knows what to do with these sorts of passages.

Anyway happy April Fool's Day.

God Bless

Amber

Me? Make up?

2009-03-26T18:24:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

For part of my assessment on Monday we are required to be 'professionally dressed'. Well, luckily, my stepmother bought me a wonderful dress at Christmas but, what to do about make up?

I never wear make up. I don't know what to do with make up. The last time I wore it, in my memory, was in 2002 when I was teaching.

My friend Edwina suggested I go to the Body Shop where they give you a free make over as long as you purchase from them. I liked that idea, and it was doubly appealing as I know the Body Shop is a very ethical company.

So this afternoon along I went. I am still a little feverish and so I was sweating which meant they had to put on about four layers of foundation.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this picture is the result. I was pleasantly surprised. I actually looked better than usual! And I felt good too. There is something about the whole make over thing that makes you feel pampered.

Now I don't suppose I will immediately change to wearing make up every day but I will try and get a lot of practice in between now and the end of the year. I want to feel comfortable with make up before I get a job because there will be so many things to adjust to when I actually get a job I think it's a good idea to adjust to this now.

God Bless

Amber

Bullying

2009-03-26T10:15:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday I was well enough to go to school - praise God and thanks to all those who prayed. Sometimes I could actually feel the prayer and God's love and peace.

Anyway yesterday we had a guest speaker at our class who spoke about bullying. The statistics are awful - nearly everyone either gets bullied or is in a school or workplace where it happens.

In our class two people walked out - one had been bullied at school, the other in the workplace.

I must admit I was very lucky at school. There was a bit of bitching and teasing but nothing I could call bullying. The same could be said of the workplace really - there was one teacher who picked on all younger staff (including me) but, in the end, a lot of the staff stood up against it and he was transferred.

All this changed, however, when I became mentally ill. I was no longer normal. I was different. Difficult to understand. Hard to relate to. Scary.

Some of my friends left me because they couldn't cope. I appreciated their honesty but it was hard to lose them.

A lot of my acquaintances just stopped talking to me. They would walk straight past me. This was especially the case with the people I knew in the theatre. All in all the only theatre people who stood by me were Christians.

This is called 'covert' bullying - ie they don't actually do something active they just isolate you from the community you had once belonged to. And it hurts, it hurts really bad.

I still go to theatrical events because I love the theatre but every time I go I have to grit my teeth against this coldness, this stigma. I wonder what they say about me but I guess I'll never know.

But it has taught me one thing - always include people, even if they are difficult to understand etc, after all that's what Jesus did.

God Bless you all

Amber

Physical Illness

2009-03-24T09:33:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

I am just getting over a really horrible physical illness which started suddenly on Sunday afternoon.

I had a really awful fever and heart palpitations. I was scared I was going to die and became quite anxious. I asked people to pray and took some valium to settle my anxiety.

All of the rest of Sunday I sat on my bed with the fan next to me, in my underwear with a moist towel. I also took some paracetomal.

The next day I was still weak and feverish so I stayed home from school. Today I am a little better but I'm weak so I decided to take another day off.

I feel a bit depressed which always happens when I get sick physically.

For all those reading please pray that I return to school tomorrow and don't get worse physically or mentally.

Thanks and God Bless

Amber

In the Psychiatric Ward

2009-03-21T13:15:00.004+11:00

Hi Everyone

I decided, this week, that I would write about some of my past experience with mental illness.

This excerpt is from my first admission to the Royal Hobart Hospital due to mental illness. I have changed the name of the male character to protect his identity but all other events and characters are true.

Anyway - here it is. Let me know what you think.

Amber

Psych Ward RHH - First Admission

It was just after Easter 2003. I had thoughts coming thick and fast. They were saying to me: "Why don't you jst kill yourself?" I didn't think they were my thoughts but I felt, somehow, that I should obey them. I was struggling to hold on.

The hospital loomed large in my mind as a place of refuge.

The other occupants of the house, Kaffy the cat and Sharyn the flatmate, had had enough of my madness. "I'm desperate to move out," Sharyn said "I no longer feel emotionally safe with you." Kaffy just ran away.

The hospital beckoned me. In the waiting room I told the nurse I was losing control. "You'd better admit me," I said earnestly "I fear I'll kill myself if you don't." Thankfully they did. I really feel that they saved my life.

Once I was in the psychiatric ward I was surprised at how normal most of the patients seemed to be. A few seemed strange, a couple decidedly evil, but most seemed to be 'just like me'. I felt I was in a place where I was finally understood.

A man by the name of Sam, particularly, was someone who I related to very well. "I'm afraid I'm mad," I told him at our first meeting. He smiled and said "Welcome to the family." I felt such relief. There were other people in the world who were crazy just like me.

Sam was tall, dark and handsome. It wasn't quite love at first sight. More like fascination at first sight.

He was an artist. I have always had a thing for artists because I love pretty things but lack the technical skills to produce them.

Sam was intrigued by my faith. Shortly after our first meeting he drew me a beautiful picture with a rainbow on the top. On the bottom were three hills with a cross standing on the middle hill.

My visitors were few and far between. I was too scared to tell most of my friends where I was. This seemed to me particularly wise given Sharyn's reaction. I am, however, grateful to Tracey, Kate and Megan for their visits.

Megan came every day. She wasn't scared of madness as both her parents had their problems. I remember two of her visits particularly.

The first one I remember was when she brought in the entire Narnia series for me to read. That showed real insight. I had lost my ability to concentrate on adult books. Reading had been so much a part of my identity that I felt I had lost my personality somehow.

Even the Bible with its short, sharp prose that cuts to the bone swam before my eyes. I had regressed, intellectually at least, to childhood and, in my childhood Narnia was important.

On the second visit Megan met Sam. He was manic. Ideas jumbled out of his mouth, jumped around a bit and mishmashed into a poetic hyper-reality. I was fascinated. Megan wasn't.

"Lovely guy," she said "But he's mad."

I ignored her. I was in a new reality. It's weird but when you go into the psych. ward you accept strange things as being normal. No one talks much about normal things. They talk about their suicide attempts, their psychosis, their depression. And that world, that world of the mentally ill, to me, at that time, seemed the only thing that was real.

When I was a child, for instance, I was warned about strangers with lollies and educated about sex and drugs.

I was never warned about mental illness. I was never educated about it. When it happened to me I was so desperate for someone to explain it, someone to commiserate with that I latched on to Sam. He was the first person who seemed to offer real understanding.

Sam, however, was an angry young man. But that, I'm afraid, is another story.

Guest post by Jessie the Cat

2009-03-20T20:46:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

My name is Jessie and, as you can see, I am a very good looking female cat. As I am desexed all you male cats can look but not touch.

On January 15 2009 Amber became my human. I chose her because she cuddled me a lot when she came to the cat centre and because she didn't mind me hissing at all the other cats so I could have her all too myself. I am a jealous cat!

For the last two months I have been training Amber in how to meet my needs. She's doing OK but I don't get enough 'outside' time. Today I managed to escape and I went under the house - Amber can't get into the 'under the house bit' because it's too small. Yay! I came out with lots of cobwebs on my beautiful face though. Then I went to the big park next door and Amber came and got me.

Food is good here though. Today Amber gave me some leftover stew. It was very yummy. I purred as I ate it. I also got my usual canned food and some dry food. I am getting used to the dry food now. At first I refused to eat it.

I also like the computer. As you can see sitting on the laptop case is one of my favourite places. I also like walking on the keyboard. Amber doesn't like me doing that though.

I have met some of Amber's friends. My favourites were Heather and Kerri but they were all OK. None of them were cruel to me.

The best thing about Amber is she's very affectionate. I get lots of cuddles and pats. I like that usually. And I get to snuggle up on the bed at night time. I sit on Amber's side and purr.

So, life is good, but would be better if I got more 'outside time'.

Thank you for reading my post. I know it's good and I'm beautiful.

Jessie

Bus Drivers and the Five Principles of Customer Service

2009-03-18T18:18:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

I want to have a whinge and apply what I am learning at the Polytechnic at the same time.

Anyway at the moment we have been learning about the 'Five Principles of Customer Service'. These are: Value for Money, Reliability, Quality, Environment/Atmosphere and Expertise/Knowledge.

Value for money is about getting competitive and realistic prices, special deals and discounts etc. The Metro Bus service has realistic prices but there are never any deals or discounts, or any way they reward long term customers.

Reliability is about timeliness, following up enquiries and complaints and having products in stock when advertised. I think the bus service usually runs on time and has the required stock but they always rush through enquiries and complaints as if the customer was an irritation rather than the reason they are in a job.

Quality is for products and customer service. Let's deal with products first. The bus should be a good quality bus that gets people where they want to be on time without undue fuss. This is not the case with Metro. So many of their buses are faulty. Yesterday the ticket validator ate my ticket.

Quality customer service means striving to exceed customer's need, providing high level service and individual attention. Metro really stuffs up on this. As stated previously they rush customers through, fail to listen properly, are often curd or downright rude and seem to resent anyone with a question. They are also discriminatory - they do not wait for the aged or disabled to settle before taking off, they often yell at Africans and Asians with language difficulties and they treat all high school students as if they are troublemakers. I've actually been shocked at just how bad all this is!

The Atmosphere/Environment part has three sub-parts - the physical environment, the staff
and advertising/promotion. Let's deal with the physical environment first. The buses are OK but could be better. Some are a bit too old and many have used bus tickets etc lying around.

The main problem in this category is the staff. They are often not very well groomed. Their shirts and hair is messy even though they are in uniform. They are also often rude, arrogant and unfriendly.

Promotional material is great - I love bus ads! What a pity the service doesn't live up to its advertising.

The last category Knowledge/Expertise is in two sections - Knowledge of internal services/procedures and knowledge of equipment. Metro continually falls short of expectations in their knowledge of their own services. The drivers don't know any routes/bus stops except their own and if people dare to ask for assistance the reply is often very curt.

They are a little better with driving the bus, navigating etc but they still occasionally miss stops etc.

Overall this is not good enough! If it gets any worse I will make a formal complaint.

God Bless you all and pray for me to forgive bus drivers from the very depth of my heart.

Amber

In Memory of Simon Turner

2009-03-15T16:00:00.007+11:00

Hi Everyone

Today marks the second anniversary of the death of my friend Simon Turner.

I met Simon several times in the psychiatric ward of the Royal Hobart Hospital about six years ago and we became friends.

Simon has been one of the nicest and most thoughtful people I have ever met in my life. He was gentle, intelligent, wise, kind and interesting.

He was also a very sincere Catholic and we had many thought provoking theological discussions. These were often challenging but never disagreeable. Simon had the unique gift of being loving in disagreements.

Like me Simon suffered from a combination of depression and schizophrenia. He said, several times, that he wanted to die. He would not, however, due to his spiritual beliefs, commit suicide. He told me that he wanted God to take his life so he could be with Jesus.

There is no doubt in my mind that Simon went to be with Jesus. He is now, no doubt, happier than he ever was on earth. But for me, and for many of his friends and family, his life was a tragic loss. '

I don't think Simon ever realised how important he was to so many people. People loved him and, even now, I miss him. I miss his little quirks like asking my cat for her opinion when he thought I'd made a bad decision, finding out where the idea of purgatory came from (it's in the apocrapha) and, most of all, his willingness to drop everything to help out a friend.

I was devastated by Simon's death and even now there is a 'Simon shaped hole' in me. Luckily I told Simon how much he meant to me before he died. This is important as many others didn't and were, therefore, guilty.

If you know someone wonderful let them know - they could die tomorrow.

Lastly I will end with the following Bible quote from Philippians. The Apostle Paul (who wrote it) wasn't mentally ill but the desire for eternal bliss echoes clearly the way Simon spoke about death and the afterlife.

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain...I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." Philippians 1:21, 23-4.

God Bless you all

Amber

Like Wow - I've co-written a play

2009-03-09T11:18:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday my friend Heather and I finished the first draft of our play.

The play doesn't have a title as yet - if anyone can think of one please let me know.

It is a black comedy set in the psych ward.

It starts with the death of a patient who had been let out on leave.

The rest of the play details the responses of staff and patients to his death.

The play opens with the dead person's friend, Will, reciting a poem about the incident.

We then move onto the 'smoking area' of the ward where Will informs the other patients of David's death.

Chrissie, who was in love with David, is distraught and goes psychotic. Jude wants to raise him from the dead. Sara is disappointed she didn't get to have sex with him before he died. And Nicky, lastly, has seen many such deaths.

The doctor, Dr Woo, reacts in an agorant manner. The more experienced nurse, Karen, is concerned about the ripple effect of such an incident. And the inexperienced nurse, Jen, tries to be sympathetic to the patients but is met with aggression and distrust.

The play is, like all first drafts, a bit rough and patchy and needs work. It was fun doing it though and I hope we can hone it to perfection.

This is the first time I've co-authored anything and its been great fun.

God Bless

Amber

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-03-01T08:09:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday I went to see this year's Academy Award Winner 'Slumdog Millionaire'.

'Slumdog Millionaire' follows the life of Jamal. Jamal and his brother Salim lose their mother in Hindu-Muslim riots and are forced to live on the dumps.

There they meet Latika, the girl who Jamal will fall in love with.

The three of them are picked up by a musician and they feel their life is going up - until Salim works out that anyone who can sing will be blinded to earn extra money begging.

Salim and Jamal escape but Latika is too slow.

Various other flashbacks show the progression of the lives of the three children until adulthood. Salim shoots the musician but is then taken by a sort of 'mafia man' to do his bidding. Jamal is forced out of the threesome and goes to work in a call centre.

In the present Jamal is one question away from winning $200 000 0000 rupees and is being tortured on suspicion of cheating.

Luckily this film has a happy ending which is always a good thing.

Slumdog Millionaire is an exceptionally interesting film - I was glued to my seat. It gives a great look into the seedy side of India. The personalities of Salim, Jamal and Latika are well developed and acted. The child actors, especially, deserve mention.

This is one of the must see films of the year.

God Bless

Amber

Amber's Update

2009-02-27T09:15:00.004+11:00

Hi Everyone

Sorry I haven't been in contact much. I've been quite busy, and also quite tired. Anyway, just so you know, this is an update of how I'm going.

Polytechnic (aka TAFE) I am finding most of my classes stimulating. I like group work the best. Our group is 'Divine Pantomime' and we work really well together.

We have a really bad teacher for our accounting class which I find frustrating. I can do the work so I won't fail but many others can't. Last lesson about ten people walked out of class in despair.

Socially I am getting on fairly well with the other mature age students. There are a couple of younger ones who talk to us and a few that don't. I have become less worried about this.

Jessie (the cat) Jessie is settling in to her new home. She is very affectionate to me but susses visitors out a lot more than Kaffy did.

Jessie would really like to go outside and hopefully I'll have the chicken wire up in about a week so she can.

Jessie coped well with me being away for the conference.

Mental Health Basically I am coping extremely well in terms of my mental health. Occasionally I get a bit stressed or paranoid but I haven't got depressed or psychotic at all since I've been on my new medication (clozapine).

Please pray that I will continue to be healthy mentally.

Physical Health and Exercise Although I am eating more healthily and exercising more regularly my physical health continues to be a problem.

I have vitamin deficiencies, a fast pulse rate and asthma. I really need to give up smoking.

I am also exhausted at the end of each day and need about 10-12 hours sleep.

Please pray for me in this area.

Spirituality/Religion I am attending church and praying regularly but I want to do my personal Bible study each day. On many days I don't get around to it.

Please pray that I will do my daily Bible Study and that I will enjoy it.

I am enjoying serving the church in the position of secretary and I am gradually getting the hang of it.

Cleanliness I have been able to clean at least once a week which is a vast improvement. Pray that I will continue this and gradually move to 2-3 times a week as I get more energy.

Anyway that's all from me for now.

God Bless

Amber

The Body (Church Conference)

2009-02-23T04:26:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

Last weekend ie the last few days my church had a conference at Orford on the East Coast of Tasmania. The conference title was 'The Body'.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Christian terms 'The Body of Christ' is a symbol of all believers working together to do Christ's work on earth. All Christian's are seen as part of 'The Body' and are told to use their unique gifts to do Christ's work on earth.

Our pastor, Dan Shepheard, did three sermons on the topic. In the first talk he talked about unity, diversity and equality. He read 1 Corinthians 12: 12-31 where it talks about all 'body parts' being indispensible. He emphasised that there are not 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' Christians - all are equal parts of the body.

In his second sermon Dan emphasised that all should use their gifts for the 'common good' and that Christians should celebrate diversity rather than argue and divide over differences.

In the third sermon Dan talked about growing to maturity in Christ. He also made a great point about not disempowering people and doing everything in love. He read from the popular passage in 1 Corinthians 13 about how love is the most necessary of any gifts and if we use our gifts without love we are, at best, achieving nothing and, at worst, sinning.

Dan was supported in his talks by some excellent MCing by Tim Hansard. Tim had obviously worked hard on this role and was equipped with jokes, information and encouragement.

Speaking of encouragement I did an elective on it with Gwyd Jones. He emphasised Ephesians 4:29 which tells us to build each other up with words. The seminar emphasised that people don't open up because they fear rejection. Gwyd emphasised that the gospel trait of putting others before ourselves was necessary for the ministry of encouragement.

We also completed a 'spiritual gifts' survey. I listed my gifts as: reading and writing, evangelism, theatre, administration and analytical thinking. The most popular gifts were reading and cooking.

I had a great time at the conference even though it was tiring. I felt 'part of the Body' even though I am probably a 'weaker part'. Thank you to all who contributed to the conference including those mentioned above and Jake Tuit with the food and the band.

God Bless you all

Amber

A Play about Suicide

2009-02-20T07:20:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

On Wednesday night I went to see a short play that was being workshopped at the Backspace theatre.

It started off as a comedy. There were three male characters. One was called Garry and it was in his house that the scenes took place. He was funny and sarcastic, and didn't let out a lot of personal information.

His two friends were a serial monogomist who perved on women on the TV and a younger University student.

There were many great jokes - the one that stood out was an elaborate toilet joke. It really captured the essence of male friendship ie lots of jokes, not much personal stuff.

Gradually the 'flat' got messier and Gary got more withdrawn - but it was amidst jokes and sarcasm so I, like a lot of the audience, missed the 'signs'.

The play ended with the two friends discussing Gary's suicide.

I thought this was a sensitive and engaging portrayal of male depression/suicide. Statistically more men commit suicide and more women attempt suicide. I think this is because women are more open about their feelings whereas depression in men often goes unnoticed.

The times that I attempted suicide were mostly spur of the moment but once, on my most serious attempt in Alice Springs, it was planned. Suicide does appear selfish to outsiders, and perhaps it is. But, for me, when I attempted suicide I 1) Thought it was the best alternative to my problems and 2) Was feeling so depressed I couldn't think of other people.

I think the play shows that we need to all look out for friends and family and learn to pick up subtle hints that show someone is not 'all right'. We also need to know who to refer them to. In Tasmania it is the Mental Health Helpline.

God Bless you all

Amber

Valentine's Day for Singles

2009-02-15T07:27:00.003+11:00

"Suffering borne in union with Christ is His suffering, inserted in the great work of Redemption and bearing fruit in it."

Blessed Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Hi Everyone

So yesterday was Valentine's Day - the day when we singles are reminded of our singleness. Everywhere I went there were couples smooching and advertisements in shop windows.

I read some blog posts on Valentine's Day for singles where they said to spoil yourself for the day. I took their advice and bought myself some shoes and a hairbrush for under $20. That was nice but it still doesn't make up for the fact that I am not 'qualified' to share the day.

Don't get me wrong I am happy for all those people who have happy relationships and marriages, and who have children. I am pleased for my friends and relatives who have such things.

But I think it is hard to be single. My friend Tracey asked me if I was lonely. I don't think lonely is the right word. I have a beautiful cat and lots of friends. I am always busy socialising. But there is a part of me that yearns for a happy relationship.

I also know that my mental illness prevents me from attracting stable guys. Hopefully now that I am stable that will change but it takes a long time to change people's perceptions.

Lastly I know that Jesus was single. He would have, no doubt, yearned for intimacy. He will understand my dilemma. I can trust Him and pray to Him. As the quote says my sufferings link with His in the great work of redemption. The Apostle Paul says something similar in one of his letters. This means, I think, that my present sufferings are all part of God's great redemptive plan.

God Bless you all and take heart all you fellow singles.

Amber

Club Funk and the Divine Pantomime

2009-02-12T07:04:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday was my first day of classes at the Polytechnic. We did team work. We were put into teams by drawing out of a hat. After we were in our teams we had to invent a business.

We had to develop a team name, business name, business motto, logo and colour scheme and the type of business. Our team developed all of these whereas the other teams only got about halfway through. Go Club Funk!

Anyway our team name is 'Club Funk' because many of us liked dancing/clubbing and we liked the word 'Funk'. We decided we were a costume and accessories shop for theatre productions. The business is called 'The Divine Pantomime'. The word 'divine' is in rainbow colours and the word 'pantomime' is in black and white. The motto is 'From dreams to reality' and the logo is a black and white pantomime mask with the previous rainbow colours streaming through as lights.

I really enjoyed this exercise and thought our team worked well together. I was able to relate a bit better to the younger members of the group.

However, some of the young girls that were not in my group continue to ignore me during breaks. This is a bit hurtful for me. Please pray that I will remain positive despite this.

God Bless you all

Amber

Induction Day at the Polytechnic

2009-02-11T05:49:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

As most of you know yesterday was my induction day at the Polytechnic. Today will be my first day of class.

I was nervous and excited. I didn't know what to expect.

At the start of the induction I went to the wrong room. This was frustrating because they didn't have me registered. Thankfully they worked out I was in the wrong place and put me in the right one.

I was a bit intimidated by some of the other students as they were very young and very fashionably dressed. I hope this will wear off as I get to know them. There is only one man in the course - the rest are women.

We went through a lot of information about the course. They were very strict about things like missing classes or lateness and I have to tell them in advance about the one day I will miss by being at the Melbourne comedy festival.

Assessment is good - they give you up to four goes to get each assignment right which is much more generous than Uni. They have some alternative types of assessment such as role plays and teamwork.

We also were shown around the building to different classrooms, the fire exit and the library. I liked the library - it was really comfortable and you can bring in drinks.

After I got home I went to sleep which is a bit of a worry - I was sooo tired.

Please pray that I have the energy for this course and that I get on with my classmates.

God Bless you all

Amber

A Blessed House

2009-02-08T11:46:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday I went to my very first housing blessing.

My friend Edwina (pictured) has just moved in with a Catholic flatmate, Robyn (also pictured). Robyn wanted Father Gerald Quinn (centre of picture) to bless the house and Edwina invited me to watch.

I first encountered Father Gerald Quinn at the Royal Hobart Hospital, where he is one of the hospital chaplains. He is a lovely man - geniune and warm with a smile that lights up the room. The last time I saw him was about two years ago when he conducted the funeral of my good friend Simon Turner.

Father Quinn gave Robyn a crucifix and a medal. Robyn explained to me that the medal was from World War two. A Catholic soldier was shot and the medal saved him.

Father Quinn said lots of prayers - the Lord's prayer, protection from demons/devils and prayers that the home would be filled with love and peace. As he was praying I felt a curious sense of peace descend on me.

He poured some water into a jug and some salt into a cup. He blessed the salt and then the water, then mixed them together. After a few more prayers he sprinkled the water around the house.

I am not sure what my fellow Protestants feel about the blessing of houses but I think it is a nice idea - if not holy water and relics just some prayer from pastors/elders when people move is a good idea I think.

God Bless you all

Amber

A Midsummer Night's Dream

2009-02-07T10:58:00.006+11:00

Hi Everyone.

Last night I went to see 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' at the Botanical Gardens. In 2003 I was in the play so it was interesting to see what they did differently.

Here is a brief blurb in case anyone doesn't know the story. The story starts with Hermia. Hermia is in love with Lysander but her father wants her to marry Demetrius. Meanwhile Hermia's friend, Helena, is in love with Demetrius.

Lysander suggests to Hermia that they escape her father and go into the forest. Hermia tells Helena of her plan and Helena and Demetrius also go into the forest.

Meanwhile, in fairyland, the fairy king and queen, Oberon and Titania, are fighting over a mortal boy who Titania wants to keep. Oberon orders his offsider, the mischievious Puck, to get a flower to put on Titania's eye so that she will fall in love with the next person/animal she sees. He also orders Puck to put the flower on Demetrius so he will love Helena.

And, in the next sub-plot, a group of weird tradesmen are practicing for a play for the Duke's wedding. Puck turns their leader, Bottom, into a donkey/ass and the other tradesmen leave in fright. Titania awakes from her sleep, sees Bottom, and drags him into her bedroom.

That's enough plot for now - I don't want to wreck the ending.

Now - for an analysis. The outstanding feature of this play was the guy who played Oberon (man with blue body paint in the picture). He was confident, had stage presence and spoke clearly. Second in line was the wonderful Puck - the actor was cheeky, earthy and funny.

The energy of the play was exceptional. It also had quite a lot of jokes and music. I liked how the show ended - with a rendition of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' and all the actors dancing like zombies.

I didn't like the fairies costumes. They are pictured - white face masks and black gowns. However, the fairies' acting and cooing was effective.

The opposite went for the mechanicals. They looked wonderful - costuming was great but they were rude rather than funny. The guy who was Bottom did not pull the part off well, which made it hard for the others to be funny.

The lovers were reasonable but not brilliant. The fighting scenes were great but they were not convincingly 'in love'.

Despite all that it was a great night out - the costumes, music and energy made up for what was lacking in the acting and characterisation.

Hope you will enjoy the show!

God Bless

Amber

Back to Work

2009-02-05T16:29:00.004+11:00

Hi Everyone

Today I had the awesome opportunity of re-starting work in the Crossroads Church office. I previously worked as one of the secretaries for a couple of years, but that came to an end following my long hospitalisation last year.

But now - it's time for a fresh start. There was a lot to do. I went stationery shopping (I actually find this fun - go figure!) and got the usher guidelines laminated from the Xerox shop. I watched them laminate. They are so precise with the laminator and the guillotine. I was envious - I see crookedly and always stuff up those sort of jobs.

I sent out the 'Weekly Announce Email' - I love doing this, not sure why but I do. There were three points - Evangelism, Scripture under Scrutiny (SUS) which is a course for people wanting to find out about Christianity and the upcoming conference on 'The Body'.

I also whipped up a few personal/business emails and updated some computer files. I didn't finish everything but I put what I didn't finish into the 'Projects' and 'To Do' computer documents. In the office there is a special way to organise information. 'Projects' is for tasks with more than one action whereas 'To Do' is for straight forward, one action tasks.

Mikey supervised me most of the day which was good. He helped clarify some of the stuff I didn't understand.

I think today proved that I am suitable for this work and, therefore, am doing the right course at the Polytechnic (formerly TAFE). Here's to a fabulous career in administration!

God Bless you all

Amber

An Aspiring Day

2009-02-04T16:20:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

Today I am going to write a little bit about my rehabilition provider Aspire. I joined Aspire about a year or so ago as I wanted some support with daily living, studying and working. I had previously been with the Commonwealth Rehabilition Service (CRS) but found that they pushed me too hard and set off my stress levels. I was without a rehab provider for a while but one day at the church office I looked up Aspire on the internet and, in a likely coincidence, they were having an information session that afternoon.

At the information session I met Travis, who is now my support worker. We discussed writing and I told him one of my long term goals was to write a novel and do some post-graduate study in creative writing. As most of you know I do have a degree majoring in English but that was mainly critical analysis of other people's work (ie essays) not my own imaginative work.

It was not long after I had started work with Travis that I was hospitalised for four months. Travis came in to see me regularly during my hospitalisation, even though he was scared of all the security. I appreciated his honesty in admitting he was scared!

Once I was well Travis introduced me to NanoWrimo, an American competition to write a novel in a month. He said he'd do it too. I didn't have a computer at the time and I nearly wore their computer out getting that novel done! But I did it! Aspire staff are now reading the novel - I hope you all like it.

This year Travis came with me to an appointment with Jan (the disability officer at the Polytechnic - formerly TAFE) and we discussed ways Jan and Travis could support me during my studies this year.

Anyway the reason I am featuring Aspire today (Ok it sometimes takes me a long time to get to the point!) is that a group of we 'mental health consumers' had to review their progress. We were mainly positive and a fair few of us commented on the support and encouragement and enhanced self esteem that has come from being involved with Aspire - not to mention friendships with other participants.

After the review we had yummy sandwiches and cakes and then we had the 'Book Club' - I reviewed Seven Ways to Change the World by Jim Wallis (see previous post for the sort of things I said).

We then read a short story by the much loved Australian author Tim Winton. The story was called 'The Defender'. I thought the story was fantastic - it used some of the techniques used in 'Whodunits' to unveil the character of Vic, and his past and his relationships. It has an ending with a twist (but I'll let you read it).

All in all I had a great day.

If you want to find out more about Aspire their website is: http://www.aspire.org.au.

God Bless you all

Amber

Movie Review - Closing the Ring

2009-02-03T19:27:00.003+11:00

Hi Everyone

Today I went to see a free movie at the Casino called "Closing the Ring".

In its blurb it says: "In 1941 Branagan, Michigan, the beautiful Ethel Anne (Mischa Barton) captures the hearts of three young airmen going to war; Teddy, Jack and Chuck. It's Teddy she chooses, and they marry in secret on the eve of his departure. Teddy makes Chuck promise that if he doesn't come back, Chuck will take care of Ethel."

The movie starts in 1991 where Chuck and Ethel's daughter is giving the eulogy at her father's funeral. Many of the ex servicemen are there, including Jack.

Meanwhile, in Ireland, a man has been digging up the remains of a forty year old air smash that killed Teddy. The young man helping him finds the wedding ring of Ethel and Teddy.

As the story progresses it is clear that the now older Ethel (played by Shirley McLaine) is mourning Teddy rather than Chuck. This angers her daughter who moves out of home.

Meanshile the young Irish boy contacts Ethel and they arrange to meet.

I won't tell you the rest because it will spoil it - but, it does have a happy ending.

The story was a bit confusing being in two locations with lots of flashbacks but I sort of 'got it' by the end. The stand out feature for me was the innocence and enthusiasm of the young Irish boy.

I wouldn't mind seeing it again just so I can 'get it' completely - any takers?

God Bless you all

Amber

Seven Ways to Change the World - My analysis

2009-01-31T15:48:00.003+11:00

NB - This post contains some thought provoking ideas with which many of you will disagree. I don't mind people commenting anonymously but please be respectful.

Hi Everyone

I have just finished reading Seven Ways to Change the World: Reviving Faith and Politics by Jim Ellis.

Ellis describes himself as an evangelical Christian (but not a fundamentalist) and is concerned with the way in which the 'religious right' has taken over American politics - making, he feels, the only two topics of political thought to be abortion and homosexuality.

He feels, as I do, that when Christians engage in political thought/decisions the scope of that engagement should be broader. He quotes from Old Testament prophets Micah and Amos, and from Jesus Himself, about God's concern for the poor and oppressed. He asks that Christians (and other interested people such as 'spiritual seekers' keep the government honest by not only private piety but by engagement with the issues.

The issues, Ellis feels, are third world poverty, racism, the environment, peaceful negotiations instead of war and using war only as a last resort, having loving family and community relationships, welfare within the state (especially for young mothers so that they will not have abortions) and keeping leaders (including church leaders) accountable to their supporters. ]

He stresses that many great Evangelical arrivals have occurred when faith became 'life changing' and 'policy changing'. He stresses that we are in an age where the word 'Christian' stands for being personally pious and out of touch at best and hypocritical at worst. However the name 'Jesus', for most people, conjures up images of compassion, justice, mercy and forgiveness. He says, obviously, that this is a huge problem.

Before launching into my opinions I would like to publicly thank my Christian brothers and sisters who stood by me during my lengthy mental illness and who were exceedingly charitable. I know many of you may question my opinions in this piece but this does not mean that I am unthankful for your support. It simply means that my mind is now clear enough to have opinions - and I believe this is something to really thank God for!

Now - for the opinions - I pretty much agree with Wallis wholeheartedly. I think Christians should not only support evangelism and charity (which are important) but we should think about and pray for a less broken world. After we have gone to God in this way it is time for us to make a decision about how we will intervene in this broken world.

Interventions can be personal (like recycling) or public (giving information about third world issues etc) or wholistic (hey let's get involved at every level!) I think the wholistic way is the best. Of course we all have our 'pet' issues but I don't think God does - every issue is important to Him and we have to, at least, have thought about them enough to give answers to the sceptic or seeker who wants to know our position on third world poverty, global warming and racism.

For my part these are the things I'd like to do - do some Volunteer work for a charity like Salvos or Vinnies(using my office skills), stop thinking bad things in my head about disadvantaged people, pray for those I can't practically help, write to politicians to keep them accountable and, after I have been stable for at least five years, volunteer as a secretary/business advisor in a remote Aboriginal community.

Anyway - if this post has inspired you or you really disagree with it please let me know. Your comments are valuable to me.

God Bless you all

Amber

Bronwen Meredith - Ninety Years Young!

2009-01-31T08:01:00.007+11:00

Yesterday I went to my very first 90th birthday celebration. Relatives came from interstate, intrastate and overseas for the occasion.

Pictured are: (Photo 1 from left to right) - Unle Richard, his wife Fran (both of Melbourne) and my cousin and Richard's son Gabe (from Devonport). (Photo 2 from left to right) Cousin Bess (Richard and Fran's daughter - from Melbourne), Nanna, My cousin Evan (from New Zealand) and his wife Cathy (formerly of the USA now living in New Zealand). (Photo 3 from left to right) My Uncle Nigel (Evan's father, from New Zealand), cousin Ruby (Fran and Richard's daughter, from Melbourne), my Aunt Heather (Nigel's wife and Evan's mother, from New Zealand) and my Uncle Richard again. Photo 4 is obviously my Nanna.

My grandmother is well respected for her commitment to peace and human rights and has won several awards for her contribution.

I also remember her telling me an anecdote of seeing a University Graduation when she was a child with very few women in it. She asked why and was told not many women went to University. "Well I'm going to go," said the young Bronwen and, of course, she did.

She also has five children, fourteen grandchildren and three great-grand children. She is very good at keeping up with all their activities.

On her birthday she said: "My happiest birthday present is to have some of my children and grandchildren with me."

She quoted the Bible (from the book of Proverbs): "A dinner of herbs where love is, is better than a stalled ox."

Not that we ate a "dinner of herbs". The lunch was wonderful. My uncle Richard did something wonderful with pink eye potatoes, there was also roast chicken and ham, various dips and salad.

I asked my Nanna what were the main improvements that had happened during her lifetime and she said, "Better health and openness in personal relationships."

I asked her what her proudest achievement was and she said "Having my children."

As about half of the relatives present had degrees majoring in English, and the other half were interested, a lively discussion about the English language and grammar occurred.

"The English language is absolutely ridiculous!" my Nanna said and sympathised with the plight of migrants/refugees who had to learn it.

I had a really good time and Nanna seemed both relaxed and excited.

Let's hope some of us get to see ninety!

God Bless you all

Amber

Tasmanian Polytechnic - Here I Come

2009-01-29T17:21:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

Today has been a long (and hot) day but I am finally enrolled in Certificate 3 in Business Administration. Yay!

This semester I will do the non-computing units - which are - Work Effectively in a Business Environment, Participate in OHS processes, Process accounts payable and receivable, Organise Schedules, Write Simple Documents, Deliver and Monitor a service to customers, Maintain daily financial/business records, Organise workplace information and Organise personal work priorities and development.

Course loading is approximately 50% (15 and a half contact hours) so most of you will probably be seeing less of me. I will, however, be needing lots of prayer and encouragement.

It may seem like an easy-ish course but I am not used to having to manage my time or associate with people who are outside my comfort zone (old friends, Christians and the mentally ill). Please pray for me for those two things particularly. I am excited but nervous.

I start on Tuesday 10th February so for those who want to catch up with me before I become very busy (for me anyway) that would be the deadline.

Also I intend doing an Adult Education course in writing on Tuesday mornings and working in the church office either Wednesday afternoons or Thursday mornings.

Thankfully I have been able to get set in good habits of cleanliness and exercise. Please pray that I keep up these habits.

This is a new and exciting step for me and I hope it will prove to be the right step.

God Bless you all

Amber

The Australia Day/Invasion Day Debate - My comments

2009-01-26T17:58:00.002+11:00

I will start off by saying that I am happy to live in a country where 1) The stolen generation have received an official apology and 2) The illustrious award of 'Australian of the Year' has been given to an Aboriginal activist. Mick Dodson is a worthy recipient and both of these points show that Australia is becoming a more mature, inclusive country.

There are many other things that I love about my country. I love its wild and natural beauty and am thankful for the many environmentalists and others who have worked non violently for this to be reserved.

I am grateful children from poorer families are eligible for payments, subsidies and deferred fees so that they can continue their education.

I am grateful for national health insurance (Medicare) which has, essentially, saved my life from asthma attacks and allowed me to regain sanity after years of suffering from severe mental illness.

I am grateful for freedom of speech and religion. I can openly say I am a Christian, and express my views on this blog without the threat of government persecution.

I am grateful for democracy and the ideal that we 'little people' can have a say in how our country is run and keep it accountable to its stated ideals and promises.

I love Australia and I know no other country. But...Australia has a black history too.

In Tasmania it seems something akin to genocide was carried out. In the Northern Territory (my other home) Aboriginal people are disproportionately dying earlier from treatable diseases, incarcerated, losing their children, having problems with drugs and alcohol and being involved in domestic violence.

The 26th of January, to my suffering fellow citizens, is a celebration of a day when their country was invaded which led to many of the aforementioned problems.

I am not arguing to turn back the clock but, like Mick Dodson, I feel I must argue for a different day. If we truly want Aboriginal people to live as citizens in their own country we must also want to celebrate 'nationhood' with them.

To me this would involve a simple thing - changing the date of Australia Day - perhaps to the date when Aboriginal people were granted citizenship, and the vote.

Now that is something worth celebrating.

God Bless all my readers even those who will probably disagree with me (as I said previously it is, I think, a mark of a healthy democracy when we can disagree without fear).

Amber

Alice in Wonderland

2009-01-25T09:30:00.009+11:00

Yesterday I went to see Alice in Wonderland at the Botanical Gardens. My favourite character was the chesire cat (pictured) not because he was the best actor really but because he acted like a cat.

I also liked Robert Jarman's 'white rabbit' and 'mad hatter' - white rabbit is pictured.

It was a larger than life musical pantomime and there were lots of young children in the audience. It was nice to see the children laughing and joining in when they could. But it meant we, as childless adults, were reminded that we didn't have them.

Alice really looked the part and I liked the scene where she was about to be beheaded by the queen and stomped her feet in anger. A couple of times, though, she got a bit overexcited and screamed out her lines incomprehensibly.

Overall, however, it was a great production. High energy and lots of fun.

God Bless you all

Amber,

Jessie's first week

2009-01-23T09:26:00.005+11:00

As you can see Jessie has adjusted well to her new home and her new human.

The first day was difficult as Jessie refused to eat and spent all day sniffing at every crevice of the flat.

After that it was plainer sailing. Jessie ate her food and snuggled up to me on the bed.

She also likes sitting on the laptop case and, as a result, the laptop case is furry.

She is cautious with my friends and does more sussing out than Kaffy did but she really likes my friend Heather who, I think, has a way with animals.

I feel I have bonded well with Jessie and feel that she will be a permanent pet.

I haven't yet let her outside and won't until there is some chicken wire on the gate to stop her running on the road and meeting the same fate as Kaffy.

I look forward to further time with Jessie.

God Bless you all

Amber

Barack Obama's Inaugeration

2009-01-22T12:54:00.003+11:00

Yesterday my friend Edwina brought a tape of Barack Obama's inaugeration and we watched it at my place with another friend of mine, Heather.

Millions of people were outside waiting for Barack Obama to 'make history' as America's first black president.

Despite what must have been a gruelling schedule Obama appeared poised and confident as he came to the podium amidst loud chants of "Obama Obamna" fronm the crowd.

Obama stressed that the people of America should remain faithful to their founders in the midst of the current crisis.

He clearly indicated what were the signifiers of crisis - war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the economy, lack of health care and appropriate schooling and the environment. He said that these challenges would be met and that everyone should choose hope over fear.

He stressed that he was standing for peace and dignity. This got a large cheer.

He said that for the Muslim world - he wanted to enter a new era of respect and work towards the "conmon good". For poorer nations he said that he wanted to see their farms flourish.

He said that Americans are entering a new era of responsibility - to themselves, the nation and the world. That "with hope and virtue let us brace the icy currents..."

After this wonderful speech an elderly black man, Reverend Joseph E Lowery, a civil rights leader with Martin Luther King, prayed for Obama. He said thaqt God had the 'whole world in his hands' and that he wanted the poor delivered from exploitation and a world without war and racism.

I believe Obama will be a good president and that he is sincere. He is not, however, Jesus, and he will make mistakes.

I urge everyone to pray for him, respect him and forgive him when the honeymoon period is over and he makes a mistake.

God Bless you all

Amber

Change of Church Leadership

2009-01-18T20:21:00.002+11:00

"In your majesty ride forth victoriously in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness; let your right hand display awesome deeds." Psalm 45:4

This evening I read Psalm 45 to the church. It is both a wedding song and a prophecy about the 'wedding' between Jesus and the church. It is really flamboyantly descriptive and was wonderful to read. Verse 4 (quoted) was my favourite verse - mainly because 1) it mentions humility and majesty in the same breath and 2) It includes the word 'awesome' at the end.

Anyway today was the day for our previous Assistant Pastor (Dan Shepheard) to become the real deal. He takes the place of Mikey Lynch who will step into the Assistant Pastor's role for one year and then move on to University Ministry.

David Jones (the minister for our group of churches) preached a rousing sermon on Psalm 45 asking us to do several things - among them were support Dan in encouragement, finances and prayer, long for Jesus to come back, expect that people will want to become Christians when they hear our testimony about Jesus and be really spiritually charged.

I want to take this opportunity to welcome Dan into the ministry and also to say a public thank you to Mikey for his years at Crossroads. Both Mikey and Dan are inspiring godly men (albeit with different styles) and I hope and pray that the transition will go well for both men, and for the Crossroads community.

God Bless you all.

Amber

Old School Friends - Vanessa

2009-01-18T13:31:00.004+11:00

NB: Don't worry I have permission to write about Vanessa - I'm not going to write about anyone without their permission.

Anyway about Vanessa.

I first met Vanessa in (I think) Grade 8 because we were in the same netball team.

Later we were both in the same class for many things - most notably Maths and Social Science.

I remember Vanessa as short and energetic and really allergic to cats. She told me nothing has changed except that she now has two children. I told her I was in awe of anyone who was able to raise children.

Vanessa remembered me as 'very intelligent' and very good at English. She said she wasn't surprised I'd written a novel. I was happy about that.

I asked her if I was a difficult teenager and she said no more than anyone else which was a relief as I always envisoned myself as difficult.

Vanessa is also renowned for introducing me to my first boyfriend Rene when I was nineteen.

In terms of spirituality Vanessa has just gone back to church and is rediscovering the faith of her adolescence.

I had a great time with Vanessa and hope to keep in touch.

God Bless Vanessa and all my other readers.

Amber

My new cat - Jessie

2009-01-15T12:17:00.004+11:00

Hi Everyone - here is the latest addition to my household, Jessie the tabby cat.

Jessica is a four year old, female tabby cat.

I don't believe I chose her - she chose me. As soon as I walked into her room at the Hobart Cat Centre she fought her way to the front to smooch and chased and growled at any other cats in her way. I thought to myself "That's my cat."

She has been very actively familiarising herself with her new home. This has involved wandering into every crevice and sniffing even the most odourless of objects.

She is a bit like Kaffy but she doesn't eat as much and she has bigger eyes - I don't know if you can see from the photo but they are really quite big.

I look forward to getting to know Jessie in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

God Bless you all.

Amber

The day the bird died (Emily's story)

2009-01-13T17:09:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

This story is the earliest surviving piece of my writing that I have. It was written 15 years ago, and the events it describes were 16 years ago. My little sister Emily is now a 19 year old medical student.

Hope you like it.

The day the bird died (Emily's story)

When I was seventeen my mother remarried and had a baby girl called Emily. I left home to go to University soon afterwards so I wasn't able to spend much time with my new sister. I did, however, return 'home' every Christmas holidays. This story is about one Christmas holiday I will never forget.

It was Christmas 1991 and Emily had just had her second birthday. She talked well, and understood more than most people gave her credit for. At the time she was being introduced to two new characters - baby Jesus and Santa Claus. She found them both very interesting, but was inclined to get them confused. For instance, on Christmas Eve Emily was asked to put out some strawberries and beer for Santa Claus. She did this dutifully and the next morning was rewarded with an exciting abundance of presents. Perhaps hoping for the same result from Jesus she deposited a small quantity of her favourite 'man lollies' at the feet of each character in her Nativity set, including the cows and sheep.

After Emily's Christmas was finally over her life reverted to normal. She did, however, now carry with her some vital new information about the mysterious entitities Santa Claus and baby Jesus. She talked about both constantly, the interest evident in her voice.

But neither Santa nor Jesus claimed her affection more than her beloved pets. My stepfather had a dog called Bob. Bob was a brown kelpie. He and Emily were devoted to one another. Every time my mother took Emily shopping in the pram Bob ran beside them, barking at every passerby who so much as looked at Emily.

Emily also had a cat called Caffa. This cat was actually her own pet, although she used to be mine. Unfortunately I was not able to have pets in my new flat, hence the change of ownership. Caffa was a very beautiful long-haired tabby. Emily adored her, although I never knew whether the feeling was mutual. Emily was inclined to be rough in her affections, and thus received many well-placed scratches.

Last, but not least, of the pet brigade, was a blue budgerigar called George. George had somehow learned to say a few words, which he usually said at the most inopportune moments. He provided much amusement for the family because of this. Sometimes George could also be coaxed out of his cage to have a fly around the room, and a cuddle with Emily.

One day, just after Christmas, Emily had succeeded in persuading mum to let her take George out of his cage. She had decided to put him under her jumper because she thought he might be cold. She was stroking his wings tenderly so mum decided it was safe enough to go into the kitchen and make herself some coffee. I went out too because I, also, am partial to coffee. My brother Adrian was playing on the computer downstairs. My stepfather had left the house early to go 'fishing'. Everything was quite calm. Mum made the coffee and we both sat down to drink it and have a quiet cigarette.

From what I gathered from the noise George had escaped and was flying around the room. Mum had to dart in and 'help' Emily catch him. Finally he was caught and resumed his royal place under Emily's jumper. Emily decided, since she was so glad to have him back, to give George a big cuddle. A big, strong cuddle.

Emily came into the kitchen with a look of astonishment on her face. "George not moving no more," she said. Mum told her to give her the bird. Mum took one look at him and started crying very loudly. "George is dead. You've killed George!!" she told Emily angrily. Emily, apparently, had heard the word 'dead' before and knew it was something very bad.

"Can he have one last fly?" she asked in a break from her tears. "No!! George can't have one last fly. He's dead!! He''s never going to be able to fly again. HE'S DEAD!!!" Emily cried louder.

After a while mum had calmed down a bit and it was decided that we were going to have a funeral. Adrian was sent to get an appropriate 'coffin' and I went to get a Bible. Adrian returned with a Community Aid Abroad box. It had a sticker on it which said, "A girt that gives twice." He thought that was very funny but no one else laughed. He had also brought his little Gideon's Bible. I think he brought it to make up for the fact that he'd told me a couple of days previously that the New Testament was written ten years ago because the church got sick of the old one.

When we had all gathered together again we proceeded to a patch of the garden. Adrian dug a hole and put George in the box. I read the twenty-third Psalm. At least I tried to but Adrian kept interrupting to tell me that the words in his Bible were different (he didn't understand about translations). Mum started crying again and Emily followed suit. Mum sprinkled some dirt on the box and Adrian helped to cover it up. We tried to make a cross out of some sticks but it wouldn't stand up straight. In the end we just put two sticks flat down on top of the mound in the shape of a cross.

Mum then explained to Emily that George had gone to birdie heaven with Jesus so it was all alright now. Emily seemed to accept this as she stopped crying and went off to play with her toys. Emily explained to me later that George was nice and safe now in the box with baby Jesus.

A year has passed since then and Emily is now three. She still remembers George and talks about him whenever anyone mentions death. It was a new experience for her. She has also learnt even more new concepts. This was apparent in a letter I received from mum last week. The last few sentences read: "Emily said the other day that you can still love people even if you can't see them and they are not here, because she still loves you and Adrian. She was climbing a tree (at her Burnie home) at the time to see if she could see Hobart."

.............................................Hope you all liked the story.

God Bless

Amber

Another Beautiful Beach (Boat Harbour)

2009-01-11T12:12:00.004+11:00

Hi Everyone

Yesterday I had a wonderful and relaxing day with my friends Eleanor, Megan and Karl, and Megan and Karl's children. We went to Boat Harbour beach.

It is hard to tell from the photo but the water at Boat Harbour is the most brilliant blue. It is so beautiful that it makes me marvel and thank God for his creation.

The sand is also really, really white. It is a picture perfect beach.

When Megan and Karl left Eleanor and I walked along the beach. The photo on the top shows what we saw. I was fascinated by the red, glutinous looking anenomes nicknamed 'blood suckers' which were all over the rocks. I thought they too looked beautiful.

I am so grateful to God for making this scenery and to conservationists and residents for making sure it is not spoiled.

God Bless you all

Amber

Food and a Beach

2009-01-09T10:24:00.004+11:00

This is a picture of me on the beach I grew up on.

Most of you probably don't know that this beach was central to many of the positive experiences of my childhood. It is Somerset beach - the beach of a small town near Burnie.

As a child (until my early teens) I was involved in surf life saving. I also used to just like swimming (even in winter) and body surfing.

I also took my friends and boyfriends down to the beach for a bit of privacy. Many a deep and meaningful conversation happened on the beach.

So - of course - yesterday I revisited this beach and remembered all those happy memories.

We also went fruit and cheese tasting. We bought some beautiful cherries, boysenberries and marionberries from country road side stalls. They were delicious.

Then we went cheese tasting - I liked the sweet chilli cheese and mum kindly bought it for me. She also bought camembert which we all like.

So, overall, yesterday was fun and, most probably, very fattening.

God Bless you all

Amber

A traditional Burnie Christmas

2009-01-08T08:40:00.006+11:00

Currently my blog won't allow pictures to be uploaded which is making me really frustrated so please excuse me if I sound a bit peeved.

Anyway I arrived in Burnie yesterday. The house was decorated beautifully for Christmas with a large tree laden with lights and decorations, numerous Christmas cards and, of course, presents.

I love getting presents. My presents were: clogs, computer games, Prince Caspian and Out of Africa movies, a CD, an exercise thing and a butterfly candle holder.

We had an enormous meal starting with seafood cocktails, then roast turkey, ham and vegetables and, finally, Christmas pudding. I was really very full.

We then played the game I got my brother for Christmas which is a game where you have to make newspaper headlines from the cards you get dealt. Then we played monopoly.

It was a much more traditional Christmas with the food etc than the one with Dad but I have enjoyed both immensely.

It's a pity I can't show photos as there is a skinny, old looking santa with glasses who I think looks quite amusing.

Hope I can add the photos tomorrow. Watch this space.

God Bless you all

Amber

PS Yay -finally able to upload pictures. Thank God!

Appreciating Beauty Part Two (Man Made Beauty)

2009-01-02T06:08:00.002+11:00

This is a painting I bought from local artist Rebecca Brogan at Salamanca. She had a nightmare in which demons were attacking her and got up and praised God.

I love both the colours and the message. It is psychologically and spiritually true that if we concentrate on the positive the negative will retreat. After all it is ultimately God's world and He is the greater power.

I think it is also part of our nature to be appreciative and soothed by beauty. The more beautiful and artistic a place is the calmer I feel. This is as true of man-made beauty as it is of natural beauty.

I am especially appreciative of visual art because I have poor spatial skills and can't do it myself but I can understand the creative processs as I write and act.

Anyway to see more of Rebecca Brogan's art look out for her at Salamanca or go to http://www.jtbarts.com

God Bless you all

Amber

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-01T10:47:00.003+11:00

New Year's Resolutions (2009)

Manage intense emotions using self calming and self soothing techniques
Write a children's fantasy novel
Pay off my debts
Give up smoking
Complete a TAFE course in Business Administration
Gather more information about justice, mercy and poverty
Develop good personal boundaries with famnily and friends
Work consistently and reliably in the church office

Other Things I would like to try (2009)

To make decisions using both my intellect and emotions ie not impulsively
Rewrite my novel 'Julia, Unplanned'
Write my memoirs
Give more time and money to the church
Clean the house regularly
Exercise for at least half an hour per day
Practice assertiveness
Join Choir of High Hopes

Good Habits I am already developing

A more positive outlook
Regular writing activities
Prayer and personal Bible study
Healthier eating
Being more loving and respectful towards my friends and family
Exercising approximately three times per week

That's all for now. Happy New Year Everyone.

God Bless you all

Amber

The Beauty of Nature (Russell Falls)

2008-12-31T07:46:00.003+11:00

"Every now and again take a good look at something not made with hands, a mountain, a star, the turn of a stream. There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace and, above all, the assurance you are not alone in the world." Sidney Lovett

Pictured is Russell Falls in the Mount Field National Park. Both the falls and the walk there were so incredibly beautiful I felt awe, excitement and closeness with God.

Beauty, for me, is not optional. I need to see beautiful things in order to have peace within my soul.

When I was a child in Somerset, near Burnie, I would go down to the beach whenever I needed to calm down, to think or to talk with someone alone.

The beach, and its beauty, were very important in my childhood and this has become generalised now to nature generally.

It helps me, also, to know that God has an appreciation for beauty. After all He created the scenery. I therefore thank Him for creating such picturesque settings and pray that I will continue to appreciate them and not take them for granted.

God Bless to all my beautiful friends and family.

Amber

Australia - The Movie

2008-12-30T07:51:00.003+11:00

Last night I went to see the movie 'Australia' with my dad. I expected it to be mediocre given the reviewers hadn't been that impressed but...it wasn't. I was pleasantly surprised.

Here are the good points

The little Aboriginal boy who played 'Nullah' was superb. Cute but strong. Caught between two cultures.
Nicole Kidman was awesome. She looked extremely pretty and acted very feisty.
Hugh Jackman complemented Kidman perfectly and the tension/attraction between them was 'just right'
The film highlighted the 'stolen generation' and was respectful of Aboriginal culture
David Wenham was great as the evil cattle owner who stole, killed and manipulated people to get money/cattle
The bombing of Darwin was realistic and placed the film in history
The scenery was stunning and formed a perfect backdrop to the film.

I suggest everyone goes to this film. It is the best Australian film I have ever seen and is both entertaining and historical.

God Bless you all

Amber

God's Justice

2008-12-28T13:47:00.003+11:00

I've just finished this awesome Bible Study that went through the Bible's views on justice. I found it fascinating, comforting and confronting.

As many of you know I was very politically active before my mental illness. Now I feel well enough to do it again but I want to make sure I do it God's way.

The study covered the fact that God cares passionately about injustice, whether it be at a personal level or a national/cultural level. It started with Habakkuk crying out for justice within his culture which I really related to. When I have been very ill I have felt God was unjust bringing such a burden upon me.

Chapter 2 was a challlenge to see protesting against social injustices as part of our worship of God. We can not just attend church and feel 'saved' - we are commanded to care for the poor and the oppressed.

Further chapters deal with racism and sexism. The sexism one used the Mary and Martha example - saying that while housework may be important service listening to the words of Jesus is our most important duty as women. Everything must flow from that, even housework.

Chapter 9 dealt with challenging cultural identity. For instance I love being Australian and I am very much a lover of our country, its laws and traditions. But yesterday I went to the Tasmanian Aboriginal exhibit at the museum. That brought home the fact that although I, as the descendant of free settlers, may feel 'at home' here Aboriginal people feel differently and we should be aware of their feelings.

Chapters 11 and 12 dealt with materialism. The rich nation described in Revelation chapter 18 sounds very like modern, Western societies. Wealth and trade and property rights are protected and loved above people and this is un-Biblical. We are commanded to put people before profits, to minister to the poor and oppressed, to be generous and charitable and to bend the law a bit so that mercy is achieved.

Koorong is selling this study and I have a couple of people already who want to lend it. If this includes you let me know.

God Bless You All

Amber

A Generous and Sleepy Christmas

2008-12-26T07:30:00.003+11:00

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." 2 Corinthians 9:6

It was a great joy to have Christmas with my family yesterday. They gave generously and appreciated my very cheap little gifts.

Of course this is the same with Jesus. He gave us the spiritual gifts of love, peace and mercy, and gave up his life for our gain. We can only give back so little and, for me, it has been even smaller than for others because of my mental health.

The presents I got were all wonderful. From my father and stepmother I got the dress I am wearing in the photo and a lovely cat brooch also a pedometera, lavender hand cream, a book about religion and politics (Seven Ways to Change the World by Jim Ellis) and a diary. From my sister Elspeth I got a zigsaw puzzle and the book which has taken the world by storm Twilight by Stephenie Myer. From my sister Julia I got some soap and from my Nanna I got Island magazine.

I would also like to thank my friend Edwina for a poetry book, Debbie and family for a camera accessory, Debbie's daughter Jasmine for an animal calendar and my friend Raija for a kitten calender.

I would also like to thank all those people who wished me a Merry Christmas by text, email and cards. May God bless you all.

Christmas is usually my favourite time of year but this year I went to sleep for half the day. I'm not sure why I was so tired but it just happened. It was disappointing for me because I didn't get to spend as much time with my family as I wanted.

We were able to reflect together, however, on the details of Jesus' birth and what that means. Their opinions were different to mine. I am convinced that it was both an historical and spiritual event that changed the course of history. Because of this conviction I spent time in the morning in Bible study, reflection and prayer.

Anyway I hope you all had a great Christmas and I look forward to catching up with most of you in the next few weeks.

God Bless

Amber

In Memory of Kafka (Kaffy) Meredith

2008-12-22T13:11:00.004+11:00

As most of you are probably aware my beloved cat Kaffy was run over by a car and died last Tuesday. I was devastated. We had the funeral yesterday and that gave me some relief and a sense of closure.

This quote sums up how I felt about Kaffy: "To others she may seem just a common little moggy, but to me she is my friend, confidante and comfort." Author Unknown.

Kaffy was a dear companion, a comfort in my distress and a friend always. I loved Kaffy dearly and spent many hours cuddling her and enjoying her company. She was calm, friendly and affectionate and always made my friends and family welcome. Many non-cat lovers - such as my friends Melonie Smith and Yvonne Wilkins - changed their minds when they met Kaffy. She will be sadly missed by many people.

I have placed a cat ornament and plastic flowers in the garden in memory of her. These are pictured.

My thanks go to all the people who helped me look after Kaffy - especially Rohan and Anthea, my stepmother Merridy, Tracey, Debbie and Tony and Kate.

My thanks also goes to all those who attended the funeral - Fiona, Kerri, Kate, Edwina, Heather, Yvonne and Owen.

After advice by various people I intend getting a new, fully grown cat in late January.

In the meantime I have my memories of a truly remarkable and exceptionally loving friend and companion.

God Bless you all.

Amber

Make your mark on History

2008-12-17T07:36:00.002+11:00

Hi Everyone

I have an exciting new idea for you.

I inherited from my grandmother an 'Album of Opinions' detailing their opinions about various topics.

I would like to create a new one and, for this reason, will be showing you the questions and my answers. Please answer the questions and give them back to me, preferably by email.

God Bless

Now - for the Questions

Album of Opinion Questions (with sample answers by Amber Meredith)

The noblest aim in life?

To have a reputation for justice, love and mercy.

The Greatest Wonders of the world?

Uluru/Ayers Rock

The characters you most admire in real life?

My friend Megan

Who do you consider the greatest living politician?

Kevin Rudd

What political questions are you chiefly interested in?

Mental health reform and Aboriginal issues.

The greatest artists and musicians?

Artists Salvador Dali and Vincent Van Gogh. Also a local artist who sells at Salamanca Market called Rebecca Brogan

Musically still stuck in the 80’s – Madonna, Abba, U2 etc

Your favourite characters in fiction?

Lucy in the Narnia series. Lady Macbeth in Macbeth and Cordelia in King Lear.

The time of the year you like best?

Summer

The authors you admire most?

CS Lewis, TS Eliot, Shakespeare and Sally Morgan (author of My Place)

A brief definition of love?

As per 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 (It’s a letter to the Corinthian church in the Bible) Love is patient and kind etc.

The scenery you admire most?

White sandy beaches with deep blue seas.

Your idea of happiness?

Inner peace and outward joy.

Your favourite motto or proverb?

A good name is more desirable than great riches. ; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold Proverbs 22:1

The wrongs you would redress?

Racism and other forms of prejudice.

Reforms you would advocate?

Prevention and early intervention in people who have, or are at risk of having, a severe mental illness.

Your favourite recreation or hobby?

Reading, writing and theatre.

The true place of woman in society?

Not sure. I think women (generally) are better at child rearing than men but not all women have children. So, generally, I think this is a subject up for discussion.

Your favourite topic of study?

Literature and theatre

Your chief ambition?

To be a famous writer

The Christian name you like best?

Jessica and Joshua

Your ideas on the subject of marriage?

I think marriage is a good thing generally but it requires work.

The qualities you respect most in men and women?

Intelligence, ethics/morality, humour, imagination and humility

Your favourite flowers, birds and beasts?

Flowers – white carnations. Birds – the rosella. Beasts – cats definitely.

Puzzles, Jokes, Quotes, Pictures and inspiring ideas

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self centred. Love them anyway If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Be good anyway. Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People need help but may attack you if you try to help them. Help them anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God . It was never between you and them anyway

From a sign on the wall of a children’s home in Calcutta.

Name Rachel (Amber) Meredith

Date 17th December 2008

Four Holidays - The movie

2008-12-16T13:20:00.002+11:00

Last night my family and I watched the movie 'Four Holidays''.

We are all big fans of Reese Witherspoon after her success in ''Walk the line' and ''Legally Blonde'.

The movie was an easy one to watch. The plot was simple. A youngish couple seek to avoid family and romantic commitments and lead a fairly hedonistic lifestyle pleasing only themselves.

Every year at Christmas they lie to their family and say they are doing aid work overseas when, in fact, they are just having a holiday.

But this year - due to flight cancellations - they have to spend Christmas with their four parents (all divorced). Chaos ensues and the couple's love and loyalty to each other is tested.

I think the themes are very good and quite challenging for people who wish to avoid their family commitments.

What wrecked the movie a bit, for me, was the performance by Vince Vaughn. His character came across as both boring and weak and he was no match for Reese Witherspoon's acting and characterisation.

Overall, though, I enjoyed the movie and would recommend it for light entertainment.

God Bless You all

Amber

More Family History ie Part Two

2008-12-15T12:21:00.001+11:00

These are my ancestors on my mother's side. Their names are Thomas and Emily Wragg.

They were the first white settlers in Somerset. Somerset is a little town in the North West of Tasmania, near Burnie. The main street is called Wragg Street after my ancestors.

I lived in Somerset from the age of nine until the age of eighteen.

Thomas Dodd Wragg was an engraver of pretty pictures, a lay preacher and a poet.

I have a book called the Album of Opinions which records the opinions of Thomas and Emily and their friends and family.

Here is an excerpt from Thomas Dodd Wragg's opinions.

The prose and poetical authors you admire most? Solomon, Isaiah, Luke, Shakespeareke, Dickens.

A brief definition of Love: A beneficient arrangement and necessary for the existentence of humanity. Sadly misrepresented by sentimental fiction writers.

The scenery you admire most: Fern forest glades on land. Bold rocky cliffs by sea.

That's all for now.

God Bless

Amber

PS I made a mistake. The woman pictured is Thomas Wragg's daughter Lucy, not his wife Emily. Thanks to my mother, Diane, for working that out

Family History Part One

2008-12-15T12:13:00.001+11:00

Yesterday I accompanied my father to the burial site of our famous ancestor Daniel Stanford.

Daniel Stanford came out to New South Wales on the first fleet after a fledgling career as a marine.

I was surprised to find that his first child (also Daniel Stanford) was born one year before his marriage but that is what happened. Daniel Junior was born in 1790 and Daniel Senior married his mother Alice in 1791.

Daniel Senior became a successful farmer in what was then known as Van Diemens Land (now Tasmania).

He had four other children - William, Sarah, Mary and Thomas.

He died in 1826 aged 60.

I plan to learn more about his life as history has always fascinated me.

The most beautiful cat in the world

2008-12-13T16:46:00.000+11:00

"A cat will make itself the companion of your hours of work, of loneliness, or of sadness." Theophile Gautier.

Next year marks the tenth year of Kafka ''Kaffy'' Meredith and the sixth year since I became her servant.

I have not been a very good servant and often other people have had to help me care for her. Thankfully she has not been

taken by the RSPCA.

Kaffy has, however, been a wonderful master. If I am sad she cuddles me. If she needs food or water she lets me know. And visitors to the house are always made welcome.

Kaffy loves people. She is not discriminating at all - any available lap will soon be taken. She is affectionate and easy going.

So this is a public thank you to Kaffy herself for being easy to live with and compassionate and to all those people who helped me take care of her properly.

God Bless

Amber

Choir of High Hopes

2008-12-13T09:17:00.001+11:00

This is the Choir of High Hopes. Last night I had the privilege of attending their Christmas Concert. It was called 'Á Rough Diamond Christmas. Their quote (and I love quotes) was: "Not the strongest nor the weakest but the one who has high hopes and never lets go." By Steve Menadue.

For those who don't know The Choir of High Hopes is based roughly around the successful Choir of Hard Knocks. It gives disadvantaged people the opportunity to do something positive and creative.

The choir performed both general and Christmas songs and guest starred opera soprano Emily Burke,

I personally knew many of the people in the choir through mental health groups and hospital admissions. Seeing them up there singing with enthusiasm nearly brought me to tears.

And now, for an opinion. The link between mental illness and creativity is, in my opinion, clear. So, why stop with a choir? What about a play, an art exhibition, a poetry reading etc. That way mentally ill people have something to do that they love.

The benefits, I think, are obvious. People who are happier costs the government less money in hospital admissions, services and Centrelink payments. Anyway I think it makes sense but I know many who would disagree. Let me know if you agree or disagree.

God Bless

Amber

Bad Health News

2008-12-12T10:00:00.000+11:00

Hi. This is a photo of me at the very beginning of my mental illness. I thought I'd put it here to jolt the memories of friends and family. Mental illness has affected every aspect of my life including my physical health and weight.

So - what is the bad health news?

Well I have (in no particular order): damage to my lungs, tachycardia (fast pulse rate), high cholesterol, borderline diabetes and deficiencies in vitamin D and calcium.

So what do I have to do?

Over the next two months I have to: walk or bike 4 km a day, give up smoking, eat low cholesteral foods, restrict caffeine and alcohol and take vitamin supplements.

It sounds easy, perhaps, but not for me. Please pray for me and/or support me to achieve these goals.

God Bless you all.

Amber

Like WOW - I wrote a novel

2008-12-12T08:34:00.000+11:00

In November I took on the nanowrimo challenge to write a novel of at least 50 000 words in a month. I got to 50 000 words in the month (hence my winners certificate) but it took me an extra week to finish the novel. In the end it was 75 000 words long (about 300 pages).

The novel starts with the birth of a baby and ends with a wedding. It is, primarily, a happy book celebrating spiritual and familial love. But, to make it more realistic, I have included some tragedy.

I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of writing under pressure and intend doing nanowrimo next year. My project next year will be a fantasy, possibly for children. For those that know me well I have been wanting to write a children's book with dinosaurs and other extinct animals for quite some time.

For those who want to read my current novel I would appreciate it if you could wait until mid January as I want to completely forget about it until then.

For those who want to enquire about nanowrimo the website address is http://www.nanowrimo.org/.

In terms of other writing projects I have nearly finished co-authoring a play with my friend Heather. It is a play based in the psych ward and details the reactions of patients and staff to a patient death. Although it sounds sombre it is lightened by some funny scenes and characters.

My other writing project is my memoirs - particularly those centreing around my six year mental illness. I am about half way through them and my thanks goes to my friend Megan who has acted as an editor of many of the peices.

Anyway, that's the good news. My next post will be the bad news (I am forewarning you in case you want to skip it).

God Bless You all

Amber